Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Café dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Algol46
    ASL Info:    200/m/East of Eden
    Elite Ratio:    2.72 - 1111/1235/613
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 765
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 736



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots Café dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Her neck is long and pale as bleached sea salt,
    Her short hair shows her ears. The look is Fay.
    Those long and lovely legs with ease convey,
    That she is there for more than just her malt.
    So lovely, young and perfect, just one fault,
    Sweet love and lust for tourists on display,
    With love for any, love for all, who pay,
    At noon, or under Heaven’s starry vault.

    Her hair of cinnabar is soft as down,
    Those green eyes teeming with a zest for life,
    She seemingly is worth her weight in gold,
    Her pretty cotton dress is red and brown;
    She takes to her and breeds a world of strife,
    Such bitter tears will flow when she’s grown old.




    Submitted on 2009-02-17 21:30:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      My first thought about this is that the narrator is the observer, not the subject. The subject is discribed a being Fey, but the melancholy at the end of the piece humanizes what otherwise would have been the perfect picture of an Unseelie pixie stalkin her prey.
    Now, all that aside, it has a lovely cadence. I love the way your words transport me into the narrator's world. Magnificent as always.
    | Posted on 2010-11-01 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is compelling and beautiful in its sadness. It speaks of beauty and misdirected youth, perhaps out of need and necessity. It somehow expertly captures the mood of a small European Cafe with the center of attraction being the lovely young lady.

    I think you meant Her in the first two lines instead of here?
    | Posted on 2009-02-18 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    171242

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Records I written by Raphael
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    untitled written by ShyOne
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Cover written by saartha
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry