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    dots Submission Name: a seasonís wayward beesdots

    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 546
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1207


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa seasonís wayward beesdots

    linger lightly catacomb fingers,
    adorn ash under forehead constellations
    & sing heartbeats into the river always.
    the soil of my under-darling
    awaits me,
    flesh curling, whispers like wisteria
    glistering with winters
    lovely dew,
    like honey drips from a season's
    wayward bees.

    aspire towards sunlight,
    the fish,
    the reflection
    in the portal glass,
    our bodies fluttering
    like two birds inside a jar...
    the laurel's fragrant haunting lives
    & barely lives around you
    even now.
    let the colour in
    & lose this willingness to breathe.
    my hands
    may become full with feathers
    on your skin
    & we may rise,
    loosened in our vestments
    made of sky.

    neptune pulls me in,
    makes soft jewels
    from the bones of my early years,
    my entangled limbs
    brighten upon your temple drum,
    your oak
    that sparks a music lightly,
    busted beneath floorboards
    made of mud,
    beneath hallways
    made of those distant mountains dreaming...

    Submitted on 2009-02-21 00:19:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i think you have some strong phrases in this, and imagery. 'A season's wayward bees'

    and the opening lines about the forehead constellations, the birds hovering in a bottle, it's stuff that sticks in my mind, and I've actually had this poem in my head for a few months now, not word for word, but the central ideas and phrasing. It's nice when you read someone's work and it can stay with you like that.

    So I'd say that you are pretty romantic, but that your stuff is crafted and needs to be carefully read, because you introduce ideas and support it with symbolism and imagery, where other people might fill up a page with pretty nothingness, yours is stuff that progresses and makes for rewarding reading. And yes, you're a damn fine writer, because what I've read has been anything but clichť.

    And please don't think this is related to your kind comment on my work, like I say, I've been aware of you for some time.

    | Posted on 2009-05-27 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      very powerful wording , great showmenship , you speak volumes into your poetry , very deep and detailed , great poem , keep writing , checkout my poetry
    | Posted on 2009-04-01 00:00:00 | by JoJoCrab | [ Reply to This ]

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