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    dots Submission Name: Friend Or Lover?dots

    Author: corruptedspirit
    ASL Info:    26/Male/England (Swindon
    Elite Ratio:    5.42 - 163/188/60
    Words: 186
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 686
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1104

       This is self explainitory. But true, much to my confusion

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFriend Or Lover?dots

    This is a friendship that's been long and true,
    Maybe my failings with love is due to you,
    Hurting deep, like a lions prey,
    All I do is listen to what you say,
    For my pain this is an instant cure,
    My corupted thoughts now become pure.

    The more I think back to the first day,
    It's always my cure, whatever you say,
    So what do you have, what's your power,
    That mends my heart when it turned so sour?

    Is this the love of a friend or something much more?
    Should I talk to you about it? Of this I'm unsure.
    For a friend like you would be criminal to lose,
    If I confessed then which route would you choose?

    Are you a friend or a lover? Now I'm confused.
    Perhaps just a friend that constently feels used.
    Or maybe a potential lover that's feeling abused?
    I know I've been hurt of late so I'll give it time,
    To lose you if you feel the same would be a crime,
    You've even made me revert back to bloody rhyme!

    Submitted on 2009-02-21 00:49:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well, most of us have been there. Last time I happened to get entangled in a situation similar to the one you depict in your piece I felt bewildered and afraid of making a move for fear of losing my friend.... I spent a long time deciding or ruminating about the alleged signs of flirtation .... in the end when I did make a move it was a bloody messed ... I had misinterpreted the whole thing and everything became awkward and messy. But I have the impression that what you are going through is slightly more complicated than what happened to me.

    Anyways .....as to you piece, itself have to say that it's a nice one. I feel that the format you chose is quite neat and it does sound like an honest write. However, I must admit that's not your best poem.
    I didn't really like the rhyme scheme. I don't think it was strained but from where I'm standing I reckon that a piece like this would have worked out better without it.

    Additionally, I felt that there wasn't too much passion on you lines compared to some of your other writes and the ending was a bit too commonplace, to my liking. although, I did like lines such as

    "For my pain this is an instant cure,
    My corrupted thoughts now become pure.

    And by the way, there's a typo here. You need an extra "r" for the word "corrupted.

    well, mate that's about it I hope you are doing great.

    Good luck
    and take care.

    | Posted on 2009-02-28 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]

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