[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Justicedots

    Author: MrBear
    ASL Info:    19/M/Ga
    Elite Ratio:    3.01 - 59/109/48
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 818
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 852


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I look around me and I don't know where we're going
    Pray to God, Pleading please for that someones coming
    Find it hard being men so we just blame it on our women
    Not knowing repercussions that it just has on our children,
    Not knowing that concussions hurt more than just feelings,
    And she loves him so leaving is just too hard to deal with
    So she just struggles through it all, with her face all scarred
    She just holds you up on her back, while you just hold her back,
    She just pushes away your fist in hopes that you'll miss -
    Forcing her to fuck you when your liquor kicks in, -
    And she forgives - but God'll have you answer for your sins, -
    And you will - just those same bruises you will feel
    But on Earth, it feels like justice isn't real

    Submitted on 2009-02-21 04:56:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      A very thought-provoking piece. I like the way you incorporated Our Lord into it to explain that He has the final justice not us. The metre is kinda warped - that is it changes throughout, prehaps that is what you were going for however, I think it distracts from the message. THAT is what so many young writers fail to add... a message in their writing. Kudos my friend
    All in All a piece representative of a more veteran writer, you have done well

    your friend in Christ
    | Posted on 2009-02-21 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]