It's a short haiku-like piece so I suggest you play around with the theme. The last lines seemed to fall a little flat and yet I found myself thinking of words like resurrection, benediction. So I think you are not too far off from making this what it could be. It should be a pleasure to contemplate your intended message and in choosing the words that will fit and lift the piece so that your voice is hard.
I like the softness of the beginning lines and think you should return to that at the close.
First Impression (not sure how to do that)
---
Simple, not terribly unique or interesting. Sinner being saved imagery is a bit cliché in love poetry, or passion as per the category you've selected.
The imagery really didn't connect with me or seem connected to each other.
I can't see a glow bringing life to anything.
I guess this is just pretty basic stuff, which more or less sums up my first impression.
Submission Name: Salvation of a Faithless
