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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ode to dreaming...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jelly
    Elite Ratio:    2.28 - 16/14/10
    Words: 173
    Class/Type: Poetry/Me
    Total Views: 506
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1244



    Description:
       Brain Function


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOde to dreaming...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    each time I close my eyes
    the dreaming begins
    whether I'm asleep or not
    seems to be irrelevant

    resembling fantasies
    conjuring up necessities
    my restless, starved soul
    filling in the blanks between lines drawn

    oppression leads to darkness
    nightmarish situations attempt to jar my mind
    this state I've forced myself into
    is hardly healthy; yet intoxicating

    yearning means nothing there
    obvious foolish misconceptions
    to be lost to the world
    is to be truly aware

    do you know me?
    I don't know myself
    but I am becoming who I want to be
    by being no one

    inherent morals play an important role
    regardless of my personal metamorphosis
    there is no real change
    only the next stage in evolution

    I am a nurturing being
    empathetic by nature
    naive as it may be in present times
    my feelings and intentions are genuine

    will you stick around to see the end result?
    highly unlikely
    but I assure you it will be spectacular
    when this girl wakes from dreaming...





    Submitted on 2009-02-24 01:25:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Picture first, because I like to compare the picture to the writing without the bias of the poem to influence me. I'm weird like that. First off, BA picture choice. It's dark and twisting, and it gives off a feeling of dread. *shudders* But, it's cool and slightly entrancing, like you could fall into it.


    And, of course, I love the title because the word ode is sparkling awesome, and dreaming sparkling rocks. Hah. So, good choice there. The title sounds a bit familiar, though. Hm...


    Oh, already in the first stanza I can tell I'm going to love this piece. I am going to picture this in a girl's perspective, for I am a girl, and it's just easier for me that way.


    It's nice to be in your own mind, because fantasies and necessities seem to go hand in hand sometimes. It's the only place where it's really safe to feed your soul--give it that little biscuit of imagination to keep it going.


    Sometimes, when you think your mind is just a bit too much, when you try and hide what goes on inside, it starts to hurt--physically and mentally. Everything seems a bit danker without your imagination, and curbing it hardly ever helps. But, it's hard to back out once it's started.

    Eventually, even your mind starts to feel like a prison, and it's hard to stand it. Hard to keep up. Hard to keep going. Because everything seems false and empty.

    Self-discovery is one of the hardest and most important life lessons. Everyone wants to know who they really are, what makes them tick. But, sometimes you just don't. Sometimes, nobody does. And, so, you change yourself into what you think you should be. You begin to fade away and something else remains. And, society keeps pushing you along, molding you into what THEY think you should be. It's for the best, they think. But are they right?


    I like that last to stanzas. It's like dropping a pretense. Opening up like a flower, and spreading your little scent around the you that you should be. Here I am! This is who I am! I'm done changing! And, when I wake up, I'll be the most beautiful butterfly you've ever seen! Get ready!



    I like it. :)
    | Posted on 2009-02-26 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it. The stanzas are simple and not overly flourished with extenisive use of vocabulary (unlike my last sentence )

    I particularly love the last stanza.

    The entire piece is like an insight to you, your personality if I may so boldly say. It's to the point and that's a good thing. I hate it when a poet takes forever to actually say what he or she means.

    Good job, write more :)

    Yours, Iffy
    | Posted on 2009-02-25 00:00:00 | by Iffy | [ Reply to This ]
      well i believe i shall have the honor of being the first to comment. i havent written a comment or critique on a poem in quite a long time indeed. so forgive me if im a bit rusty.

    i do rather like this piece. short-ish, and to the point- yet not so literal as to be mere words thrown at paper. it is a subject with which i can definitely relate, referring to the nature of dreams, day or otherwise.

    though i will say it rather reads like an introduction to you as a person, if it is indeed about you. fleeting glimpses into the mind of someone undergoing a metamorphosis. interesting insight.

    and you are not a bad writer. :)
    | Posted on 2009-02-25 00:00:00 | by Aphotic Sunrise | [ Reply to This ]


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