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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Corroded Perfectiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ethan Brody
    ASL Info:    35 - M - Chile
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 440/205/78
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 791
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 571



    Description:
       I had been meaning to post this write but I kept procrastinating it because I wanted to find the right moment to do so .... and this is probably not .....

    Anyways, the current post reflects an idea that I had in mind for a long time though my thoughts didn't find their way through my hands. They did it in the long run triggered by some events I happened to light upon and watched.

    Hope you can give me some insights and possible some interpretations. As usual, I'm interested in hearing different perspectives and approaches to my work.

    I will keep on commenting particularly on those who you are kind enough to take a moment to check out my so-called poems.

    Cheers,

    Ethan


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCorroded Perfectiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Titanium turned into crystal
    and crystal into titanium,
    only the correct occurrence
    rusts the balance
    of unrelenting perfection.


    Epiphanies of oxidation
    nightmares of impossibility
    but suddenly a flame flares up
    unleashing visions hammered with
    images of corroded metal.


    At length, the fruit of one's ponderings
    are luckily produced
    through a sweaty gun-like racket,
    the smiles of a golden lady
    and the worthy words of the wise.




    Submitted on 2009-02-24 04:49:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this, I have to take your word on the science of it but I like the thought that I get of someone working at life and using the grace of a good woman and the experiences of others to try and shape his own imperfect state of perfection. It does take more than a little luck too.

    There's a nice balance here between depth, the great imagery forged in the second stanza and simplicity of the last stanza.

    I liked it a lot.

    DB
    | Posted on 2009-02-24 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I liked reading this, but have to admit I couldn't make head nor tail of it.

    With the first two lines you seem to be talking about something/someone going from strong to weak and then back again. The only way I could really comprehend it was to perhaps view it as a state of emotion.

    In the next 3 lines, you seem to be suggesting that a certain combination will break the cycle...or something...

    2nd stanza - okay, you've lost me now.

    3rd stanza - eeerrrmmm...

    In conclusion I would say that, while I do like the cryptic stuff, this is just way too over-the-top, as it is ridiculously obscure.

    I would have to disagree with the previous person's comments, as I don't think it is a good write. Sorry, just my opinion, but I do like to be honest with people.

    Cheers.
    | Posted on 2009-02-24 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]
      My biggest beef is that you repeat the first line back words and first and second line. I just don't like it here for some reason.

    The rest of the piece was original enough to keep my attention. For some reason I keep getting a picture of a brain with rust spots while I read this. Almost like knowledge is corrosion.

    The last stanza and its connection to the rest of the piece escape me altogether. It is cool it its own right, I just don't make the connection. Over all I would say this is a better than average write on this site.
    | Posted on 2009-02-24 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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