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Corroded Perfection

Author: Ethan Brody
ASL Info:    40- M - Chile
Elite Ratio:    8 - 443 /206 /79
Words: 71
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1580
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 571


I had been meaning to post this write but I kept procrastinating it because I wanted to find the right moment to do so .... and this is probably not .....

Anyways, the current post reflects an idea that I had in mind for a long time though my thoughts didn't find their way through my hands. They did it in the long run triggered by some events I happened to light upon and watched.

Hope you can give me some insights and possible some interpretations. As usual, I'm interested in hearing different perspectives and approaches to my work.

I will keep on commenting particularly on those who you are kind enough to take a moment to check out my so-called poems.



Corroded Perfection

Titanium turned into crystal
and crystal into titanium,
only the correct occurrence
rusts the balance
of unrelenting perfection.

Epiphanies of oxidation
nightmares of impossibility
but suddenly a flame flares up
unleashing visions hammered with
images of corroded metal.

At length, the fruit of one's ponderings
are luckily produced
through a sweaty gun-like racket,
the smiles of a golden lady
and the worthy words of the wise.

Submitted on 2009-02-24 04:49:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I liked this, I have to take your word on the science of it but I like the thought that I get of someone working at life and using the grace of a good woman and the experiences of others to try and shape his own imperfect state of perfection. It does take more than a little luck too.

There's a nice balance here between depth, the great imagery forged in the second stanza and simplicity of the last stanza.

I liked it a lot.

| Posted on 2009-02-24 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, I liked reading this, but have to admit I couldn't make head nor tail of it.

With the first two lines you seem to be talking about something/someone going from strong to weak and then back again. The only way I could really comprehend it was to perhaps view it as a state of emotion.

In the next 3 lines, you seem to be suggesting that a certain combination will break the cycle...or something...

2nd stanza - okay, you've lost me now.

3rd stanza - eeerrrmmm...

In conclusion I would say that, while I do like the cryptic stuff, this is just way too over-the-top, as it is ridiculously obscure.

I would have to disagree with the previous person's comments, as I don't think it is a good write. Sorry, just my opinion, but I do like to be honest with people.

| Posted on 2009-02-24 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]
  My biggest beef is that you repeat the first line back words and first and second line. I just don't like it here for some reason.

The rest of the piece was original enough to keep my attention. For some reason I keep getting a picture of a brain with rust spots while I read this. Almost like knowledge is corrosion.

The last stanza and its connection to the rest of the piece escape me altogether. It is cool it its own right, I just don't make the connection. Over all I would say this is a better than average write on this site.
| Posted on 2009-02-24 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]

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