Description: I had been meaning to post this write but I kept procrastinating it because I wanted to find the right moment to do so .... and this is probably not .....
Anyways, the current post reflects an idea that I had in mind for a long time though my thoughts didn't find their way through my hands. They did it in the long run triggered by some events I happened to light upon and watched.
Hope you can give me some insights and possible some interpretations. As usual, I'm interested in hearing different perspectives and approaches to my work.
I will keep on commenting particularly on those who you are kind enough to take a moment to check out my so-called poems.
Titanium turned into crystal
and crystal into titanium,
only the correct occurrence
rusts the balance
of unrelenting perfection.
Epiphanies of oxidation
nightmares of impossibility
but suddenly a flame flares up
unleashing visions hammered with
images of corroded metal.
At length, the fruit of one’s ponderings
are luckily produced
through a sweaty gun-like racket,
the smiles of a golden lady
and the worthy words of the wise.
I liked this, I have to take your word on the science of it but I like the thought that I get of someone working at life and using the grace of a good woman and the experiences of others to try and shape his own imperfect state of perfection. It does take more than a little luck too.
There's a nice balance here between depth, the great imagery forged in the second stanza and simplicity of the last stanza.
Well, I liked reading this, but have to admit I couldn't make head nor tail of it.
With the first two lines you seem to be talking about something/someone going from strong to weak and then back again. The only way I could really comprehend it was to perhaps view it as a state of emotion.
In the next 3 lines, you seem to be suggesting that a certain combination will break the cycle...or something...
2nd stanza - okay, you've lost me now.
3rd stanza - eeerrrmmm...
In conclusion I would say that, while I do like the cryptic stuff, this is just way too over-the-top, as it is ridiculously obscure.
I would have to disagree with the previous person's comments, as I don't think it is a good write. Sorry, just my opinion, but I do like to be honest with people.
My biggest beef is that you repeat the first line back words and first and second line. I just don't like it here for some reason.
The rest of the piece was original enough to keep my attention. For some reason I keep getting a picture of a brain with rust spots while I read this. Almost like knowledge is corrosion.
The last stanza and its connection to the rest of the piece escape me altogether. It is cool it its own right, I just don't make the connection. Over all I would say this is a better than average write on this site.
Submission Name: Corroded Perfection
