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    dots Submission Name: Corroded Perfectiondots

    Author: Ethan Brody
    ASL Info:    35 - M - Chile
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 440/205/78
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 809
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 571

       I had been meaning to post this write but I kept procrastinating it because I wanted to find the right moment to do so .... and this is probably not .....

    Anyways, the current post reflects an idea that I had in mind for a long time though my thoughts didn't find their way through my hands. They did it in the long run triggered by some events I happened to light upon and watched.

    Hope you can give me some insights and possible some interpretations. As usual, I'm interested in hearing different perspectives and approaches to my work.

    I will keep on commenting particularly on those who you are kind enough to take a moment to check out my so-called poems.



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCorroded Perfectiondots

    Titanium turned into crystal
    and crystal into titanium,
    only the correct occurrence
    rusts the balance
    of unrelenting perfection.

    Epiphanies of oxidation
    nightmares of impossibility
    but suddenly a flame flares up
    unleashing visions hammered with
    images of corroded metal.

    At length, the fruit of one's ponderings
    are luckily produced
    through a sweaty gun-like racket,
    the smiles of a golden lady
    and the worthy words of the wise.

    Submitted on 2009-02-24 04:49:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this, I have to take your word on the science of it but I like the thought that I get of someone working at life and using the grace of a good woman and the experiences of others to try and shape his own imperfect state of perfection. It does take more than a little luck too.

    There's a nice balance here between depth, the great imagery forged in the second stanza and simplicity of the last stanza.

    I liked it a lot.

    | Posted on 2009-02-24 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I liked reading this, but have to admit I couldn't make head nor tail of it.

    With the first two lines you seem to be talking about something/someone going from strong to weak and then back again. The only way I could really comprehend it was to perhaps view it as a state of emotion.

    In the next 3 lines, you seem to be suggesting that a certain combination will break the cycle...or something...

    2nd stanza - okay, you've lost me now.

    3rd stanza - eeerrrmmm...

    In conclusion I would say that, while I do like the cryptic stuff, this is just way too over-the-top, as it is ridiculously obscure.

    I would have to disagree with the previous person's comments, as I don't think it is a good write. Sorry, just my opinion, but I do like to be honest with people.

    | Posted on 2009-02-24 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]
      My biggest beef is that you repeat the first line back words and first and second line. I just don't like it here for some reason.

    The rest of the piece was original enough to keep my attention. For some reason I keep getting a picture of a brain with rust spots while I read this. Almost like knowledge is corrosion.

    The last stanza and its connection to the rest of the piece escape me altogether. It is cool it its own right, I just don't make the connection. Over all I would say this is a better than average write on this site.
    | Posted on 2009-02-24 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    3. How did it make you feel?
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    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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