island birth -------------------------------------------
the ocean world sighs
and steam rises angry
at the sky
floating dead in sulfur sea
the char fish stare blank
and gag and gape
at the motions
blind flow in currents
river rotting in decay
knee-heavy in salt
and bloated and baked by
the elements
glinting and gleaming
with the sparkle of the sun
faded scales and rainbow hues
and stink
I thought you described it all quite well and created a fairly vivid picture.
I liked "glinting and gleaming" and "rainbow hues".
The only thing I would say is I thought the piece could've done with more colour: I think you could have described the colour of the sky and perhaps elaberated on it a little, and I think you could have gone into more detail regarding the colour of the sea and the fish.
Submission Name: island birth
