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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitileddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Myopic
    Elite Ratio:    2.31 - 31/58/63
    Words: 352
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 783
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1935



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitileddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tell me,
    when you looked in that camera,
    did you imagine it was me?
    Sending a secret message from your volunteer prison you'll
    be in for a while
    with that
    little man who nips at your ankles and begs you for
    food every night?
    Who else saw you cry?
    Screaming something
    at nothing, then laughing to music and dancing in my
    now electric soul.
    You told me,
    in the full night void,
    that you couldn't think of anything that would offend me
    and looked at me like i had achieved something, while my face
    unwittingly wonders who the hell you could possibly be and how
    every man who you've come in contact with
    endures
    what they would do for you
    just to save them.
    Why weren't they all crowded
    in that car with us, yelling over each other -- no.
    soft silence
    and
    bliss.

    The rapture wind through the windows. our hair.

    Poetry left when you left,
    myself still gone, looking at pictures of her and then
    you, with that "i already cheated on her once, i guess
    i shouldn't do it again, that would
    be kind of fucked up",
    bullshit --
    my diabetic conscience (too much
    sweets),
    occasional comas,
    nostalgia is death.


    The Fear.


    I woke up to your solemn
    voice on the phone and Adam's groaning replies, heavy with sleep.
    I saw your longing mouth, forming the words.
    I saw you chasing
    the wind in that glowing green Berkeley spot
    face reflecting the sun, arms up like psychic antennae,

    The place where the waves play music and no one
    goes.




    Submitted on 2009-02-24 22:12:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i hung up. poe
    | Posted on 2009-02-25 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed reading your work. There is a bit of wittiness in your writing. My favorite line would be
    "Poetry left when you left". This maybe a good title.
    I like your writing style, it reminds me of someone I once knew.

    Love and Peace,
    Christie

    | Posted on 2009-02-25 00:00:00 | by lynn7 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    171498

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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