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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: **I wish**dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: longwinterdays
    ASL Info:    21/F/WA
    Elite Ratio:    4.99 - 204/190/64
    Words: 185
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1101
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1195



    Description:
       This is something that I wrote for someone very dear to me. I thought that there were things in my life that he should know about me before it went any further. Put my heart on my sleeve just to tell him the very thing that I thought would make him run away...not be able to deal...not want me anymore.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots**I wish**dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I wish you could smell what I smelled...
    The fresh burning scent of herbs all around
    to the mold growing everywhere, unidentified

    I wish you could see what I saw...
    The inappropriate touching of a child
    to the promises of love, unsatisfying

    I wish you could feel what I felt...
    The hatred for myself for what THEY did
    to the sadness of lost innocence, unending

    I wish you could smell what I smell...
    The stench of fear surrounding me
    to the cowardliness in my veins, unidentified

    I wish you could see what I see...
    The nightmares that never go away
    to the tears that flow, unsatisfying

    I wish you could feel what I feel...
    The cold metal against my burning flesh
    to the blood flowing, unending

    I wish you could live what I live & have lived
    The pain felt and the cutting
    to the helplessness, however, unending

    I wish... Oh, I wish...
    That I could make you understand
    It may be in my past but it is still so much...
    ...in my present, underlying






    Submitted on 2009-02-25 07:29:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      
    hmm... okay, very difficult situation to put into words. I think I shall take my time commenting as this is very sensitive and needs to be handled with care.
    First let me say I'm sorry...wish words of comfort could ease the heavy scars you bare but alas nothing but time it self will change way you wear them.
    You ask for me input here so I will give it but I will not critique, as this is more of a letter to a loved one, opening wounds for understanding, acceptance and unconditional love...I will tell you what I see and how it's made me feel...alright...alrighty

    The fresh burning scent of herbs all around
    to the mold growing everywhere, unidentified


    Masking the decay of life...trying to hide the smell.

    The inappropriate touching of a child
    to the promises of love, unsatisfying


    Horrors that will live forever and can be detrimental in ones recovery to Love and Be Loved. Not to mention the feelings of inadequacy.

    The hatred for myself for what THEY did
    to the sadness of lost innocence, unending


    Self loathing and disgust wrapped in sadness and heart breaking loss.

    The whole read has a heavy heavy feeling of guilt which is a natural feeling when dealing with abuse. This especially:

    The stench of fear surrounding me
    to the cowardliness in my veins, unidentified


    has a very terrified feeling to it but then the

    cowardliness

    gives the the undertaking of responsibility, which describes what it's like to be paralyzed with fear. 'A' typical of child abuse.

    The nightmares that never go away
    to the tears that flow, unsatisfying


    again scars that might never get easier to bare.

    The cold metal against my burning flesh
    to the blood flowing, unending


    this was a little perplexing yet fitting some how. Like being alone, burning in the metal cage of your own personal hell.

    The pain felt and the cutting
    to the helplessness, however,unending


    not being able to let it go...no release.

    cutting

    made me think of actual cutting and trying to be rid of the pain.

    and by the end we see the it will never be better it will always be there...just under the surface of every thing you do.

    unidentified
    unsatisfying
    unending
    underlying

    at the end of each line...which to me really brought each line to a some what 'summary' gist of what you want to convey.

    this was very hard to read and comment on but I Know even harder to live with so I applaud you and your ability to put it into poetry.

    Thank You for sharing
    kelly
    | Posted on 2009-10-03 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]


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    171513

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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