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    dots Submission Name: We Should Chilldots

    Author: freak_like_me
    ASL Info:    20/female/Ireland
    Elite Ratio:    4.81 - 120/118/49
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 698
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 697


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWe Should Chilldots

    When I walk down this new street
    After 20 years of living
    I just realised something
    We are always complaining

    If you take a quick look
    At the simple world around you
    Give it just a few seconds...smile
    And You will greatly see through

    No diet will give you beauty
    No surgery will do you good
    When people understand natural beauty
    We will live wholesomely like we should

    And when you feel stress
    Comming on strong
    Holding you by the throat
    Take a deep breath
    And say 'Fuck it!'
    There isnt anything I need to worry about

    Submitted on 2009-02-25 13:50:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Third stanza is my favorite. It flows, and I like rhyme. :) Rhyme is like an addiction for me. I have to hear it. xD

    I can kind of see someone walking down the street, a faraway expression on their face, perhaps looking at the ground--watching their feet hit the pavement repetitively. Maybe they were cross, something bad just happened and they had to get out. Had to blow off some steam. Either way, there they are, walking down the street, thinking thoughts. Then, they look up as a thought occurs to them. It doesn't always have to be so bad. It isn't always so bad. She begins to look around her, truly taking in the scenery for the first time. Maybe someone smiles at her--someone waves. Warmth begins to enter her heart, and she smiles too. She takes a deep breath, and says what you say she says and continues walking her head held high.

    Yeah, that's the picture I get when I read this.

    Now...*rubs hands together*

    I'm not sure the last line in the second stanza should have the greatly in it...perhaps consider...

    And, greatly, you will see through or and you will see through. Something like that. Or nothing like that. It's your personal poem, so it's however you feel about it.

    Realised in the third line should be realized. :)

    Usually I don't like poetry with vulgarity, but I like this one. It fits. Nice.

    <3 Sweets
    | Posted on 2009-02-25 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]

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