Description: This is my belief of our world right now as it is. Our society accpets nearly everything we can think of to do, and it has ultimately caused us to lose a lot of our black and white, our right and wrong. Whether it be the death penalty (which I allude to in my poem) or prostitution, our world is morally corrupt.
Black and White (An Ode to Grey) -------------------------------------------
Most believe our world is simple
That we live in black and white
With so few grey spots
But I'm here to tell you
That you're absolutely wrong
Life is nearly all grey
With small traces of black
And a few dustings of white
For we live in a world
Where even murder can be justified
If you're committed an unacceptable crime
Our lives are a mass of grey bulk
Because it's even commonplace
For our politicians to be crooked
Our ethics were thrown away
Our morals cast aside
We've lost hope in our heroes
Because even they live in grey
So it saddens me to say
There is no more right
And there is no more wrong
Because our society accepts everything
From the murder of babies
To the selling of women
Black and white cease to exist
When we live in a world of grey
this reminds me of the phrase 'there are two types of people in the world: people who think that there are two types of people in the world, and the people who know otherwise". good write...
I absolutely love this poem and competely agree. These are very touch subjects when it comes to whats right and whats wrong. Wrong's are being justified as right and sometimes those who do right are sentenced for doing it wrong.
A friend of mine performed the heimlich on an old lady and saved her life, now hes being sued for sexual harrasment. Explain that one to me.
Black and White without the gray wouldn't make for a very interesting world.
This is really good, and it holds a simple, but sad truth. The world we call home is evil and mislead, or as you poetically put it, grey. I hope through this piece people are challenged to challenge the way they live, or what they believe. And what’s best about it, it could do just that. Its written in an easy way that everyone can understand. Im am really impressed by it. My only critique is that you look closely at the third stanza and see if you think it needs a bit changing. To me this is where it kind of slowed down and was a bit confusing. But other than that I thought it was clear and very well written!
You are very talented Nathan. Keep it up
-Harriet
I think this is a very promising piece. A moral comment on our modern world.
I love the line "And a few dustings of white" - makes me think of icing sugar.
I agree with Jenn however that it could benefit some 'techincal tightening'.
Firstly, you have a typo in the last line of your third stanza - I believe it should read "If you've" instead of "If you're" ?
Also, I think you could get away with "acceptable crime" as apposed to "unacceptable crime". You're subconciously suggesting that in this world of grey there are still certain things that are unforgivable and I'm not sure this is your intention (or I could be just being pernickety).
At the beggining of your second stanza it feels as though are accusing the reader when infact they may already agree with you.
"But I'm here to say
That they're absolutely wrong"
might work better here.
Lastly, I know the poem is an ode to grey but perhaps you could think other words or metaphors (e.g. faded coal, dirty chalk) to spice things up a little? Or if repetition was your intention ignore me completely!
I hope you don't think I'm being too critical because I did find it an enjoyable read!
this is the second attempt to writing a comment for you, considering I'm a complete and utter dumbass and exited out of the page before I submitted it -.-
So, what I stated previously, was that I really love this piece. It reminds me of the group I was required to go to back when I was around your age. It was called A-DBT (adolescent) dialectical behavioral therapy. It was to teach us that it wasn't all black and white it wasn't be happy and live, or be sad and die. that there were options to the choice of suicide or unhealthy behavioral patterns that most of us exhibited.
But you pose the argument many of us used in the beginning of our group sessions before we took to the teachings and you pose it in such a way of logic/poetic kind of form and it creates an interesting read which I admire and am impressed with. Well done hon.
It is a powerful subject, and very much true. The only thing I could suggest is going with some stronger words and use less smaller words. It just kind of clogs up the lines and makes it harder to keep the attention of the reader.
It was honest, and in my opinion, very true. Its sad when people stop relizing what wrong is...when you can't even feel what a bad thing is. It is scary sometimes.
Submission Name: Black and White (An Ode to Grey)
