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    dots Submission Name: Hiddendots

    Author: sweet_rayne
    ASL Info:    25/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.86 - 493/464/111
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1085
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 393

       just something ive been working on and im not sure if its done yet but i do like what it is right now

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    In a hidden place is a secret
    I never told

    As much as it hurts it is my
    Burden to hold

    In a hidden place is a scar
    I never show

    But I reopen the scar and
    Blood will flow

    Hidden away is the pain
    I never share

    Look closely and see it in my eyes
    As it hangs in the air

    Submitted on 2009-02-27 17:41:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Very true what you say Joy.......the eyes are the window to the soul.

    | Posted on 2010-05-07 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      I try to keep my tenses consistent. "I never told" is past tense and sounds like a past problem. What sounds better to my ear is the present perfect tense, "I've never told". This implies it's still a problem, which the rest of the problem explains eloquently. I also wasn't sure what was hanging in the air when I read the last line. All in all, a beautiful write that hurt me good.

    | Posted on 2009-02-28 00:00:00 | by scienceyear | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel completely like [censored] right now, and this in itself just brought me up a little. It so Raw like, this is it, this is it exactly, no great bull[censored] words or great way to say something really simple. Just there out in the open. I love this in every way right now. I love you for this really hahha, its amazing. truthfully i don't want to see this changed at all, i love it too much. haha and thats a good thing
    | Posted on 2009-02-28 00:00:00 | by every48seconds | [ Reply to This ]

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