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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hiddendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sweet_rayne
    ASL Info:    25/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.86 - 493/464/111
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 728
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 393



    Description:
       just something ive been working on and im not sure if its done yet but i do like what it is right now


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHiddendots
    -------------------------------------------


    In a hidden place is a secret
    I never told

    As much as it hurts it is my
    Burden to hold

    In a hidden place is a scar
    I never show

    But I reopen the scar and
    Blood will flow

    Hidden away is the pain
    I never share

    Look closely and see it in my eyes
    As it hangs in the air




    Submitted on 2009-02-27 17:41:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very true what you say Joy.......the eyes are the window to the soul.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2010-05-07 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      I try to keep my tenses consistent. "I never told" is past tense and sounds like a past problem. What sounds better to my ear is the present perfect tense, "I've never told". This implies it's still a problem, which the rest of the problem explains eloquently. I also wasn't sure what was hanging in the air when I read the last line. All in all, a beautiful write that hurt me good.

    scienceyear
    | Posted on 2009-02-28 00:00:00 | by scienceyear | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel completely like [censored] right now, and this in itself just brought me up a little. It so Raw like, this is it, this is it exactly, no great bull[censored] words or great way to say something really simple. Just there out in the open. I love this in every way right now. I love you for this really hahha, its amazing. truthfully i don't want to see this changed at all, i love it too much. haha and thats a good thing
    | Posted on 2009-02-28 00:00:00 | by every48seconds | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    171610

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