Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: some say jesus was a pisces, starry-eyeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: meoww
    Elite Ratio:    6.75 - 262/258/143
    Words: 1
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 857
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 0



    Description:
       alternate title: 'crucifixion: childhood'

    so glad i found unicode image maker to convert text into jpegs... wasn't about to bust a nut trying to format this one on es.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssome say jesus was a pisces, starry-eyeddots
    -------------------------------------------






    Submitted on 2009-03-06 02:49:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You are amazingly talented. This piece is beautiful, priceless. Looking at it, i can only wonder how you did it, and stare in wonder. I realize that i am young. And i have quite a while to go. But this work is beautiful. I hope someday i may write something roughly equivalent.

    Its funny, because while reading your work, i feel like i am learning a very important lesson, and Like i am strangely inferior at the same time.
    | Posted on 2009-03-18 00:00:00 | by dthforeverpain8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Dude....the way you laid this out...one poem seemed to become four (#1) left to right, reading it normally; #2) column one; #3) column 2; #4) column 3)

    All of them seem to come to the same conclusion though...'searching' for something...faith...divinity...polished runes...

    The search for spirituality. A young boy, full of innocence, searching the world....his mind awakening to abstract, higher thoughts...and he begins his quest for knowledge.

    Dude, I'm going to try something like this. You always show me neat ways to write poetry. I appreciate that.

    In summary: Awesome job, J!
    | Posted on 2009-03-10 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]
      I see how you intended to format the poem to add meaning and mood to the piece, but I found it a bit distracting and hard to read, particularly when you smooshed words together "notexistinginthepatch" it made me cross-eyed. Then I read it again and I kind of liked how it made my eyes jump from block to block- and then it flowed quite nicely. I dunno, you may want to tinker with it a bit more

    As for the meaning of the piece, i interpret it as the simple act of childhood discovery and the unfolding of deeper meaning into aspect of the world that adults grow to think of as mundane. We can find find god in the rock trapped in the grooves of our shoes.

    The title throws me off a bit though.

    Why Jesus? Why pisces? Perhaps there is something I am missing

    The alternate title makes sense to me however.


    | Posted on 2009-03-09 00:00:00 | by screams | [ Reply to This ]
      I could see a little Maori boy with snot on his lip exploring for hours down at the beach, poking into the rocks with a stick for crabs, holding shells out to the light, casting stones into the sea.

    It really opens up the senses and then though that wonder is retained into adulthood the it is also tempered with the questions of adulthood so that there's a nice comparison to be made with the "soiled child" at the beginning of the piece,

    and wonder that had all the jagged rough edges of rocks and starfish etc is honed, perhaps by the metaphorical rough sea of life and persistence into these beautiful and bittersweet eternals.

    It took me a few reads to find this because of the of the layout but in the end in found out how to access it and think it fits together well.

    There's something to be said about the phrasing of the eye lashes verses the sky dive eyes.

    If there was one part that threw me off rhythm it was this initially but now I think those lashes speak of tranquility and answers ie jesus and the skydive eyes of course are the searchers. I think it threw me off because there didn't seem a clear ending of the description boy...ah, i just looked again and it's because I enjambed pretty into the next line without following your intended change of course.

    so maybe you'll just trip up a few people.

    I just left a comment for Arthur yesterday about depth. It's nice to find that here too.

    DB
    | Posted on 2009-03-06 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      Is it meant to look like fishies swimming?
    | Posted on 2009-03-06 00:00:00 | by CrypticBard | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    171790

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry