some say jesus was a pisces, starry-eyed

Author: meoww Elite Ratio:    6.75 - 262 /258 /143 Words: 1

Class/Type: Misc /Misc Total Views: 1641 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 0

Description:

---

some say jesus was a pisces, starry-eyed

---

Submitted on 2009-03-06 02:49:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_< 2: I dunno... 3: meh! 4: Pretty cool 5: Wow!

Comments

You are amazingly talented. This piece is beautiful, priceless. Looking at it, i can only wonder how you did it, and stare in wonder. I realize that i am young. And i have quite a while to go. But this work is beautiful. I hope someday i may write something roughly equivalent. Its funny, because while reading your work, i feel like i am learning a very important lesson, and Like i am strangely inferior at the same time.

| Posted on 2009-03-18 00:00:00 | by dthforeverpain8 | [ Reply to This ]

Dude....the way you laid this out...one poem seemed to become four (#1) left to right, reading it normally; #2) column one; #3) column 2; #4) column 3) All of them seem to come to the same conclusion though...'searching' for something...faith...divinity...polished runes... The search for spirituality. A young boy, full of innocence, searching the world....his mind awakening to abstract, higher thoughts...and he begins his quest for knowledge. Dude, I'm going to try something like this. You always show me neat ways to write poetry. I appreciate that. In summary: Awesome job, J!

| Posted on 2009-03-10 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]

I see how you intended to format the poem to add meaning and mood to the piece, but I found it a bit distracting and hard to read, particularly when you smooshed words together "notexistinginthepatch" it made me cross-eyed. Then I read it again and I kind of liked how it made my eyes jump from block to block- and then it flowed quite nicely. I dunno, you may want to tinker with it a bit more As for the meaning of the piece, i interpret it as the simple act of childhood discovery and the unfolding of deeper meaning into aspect of the world that adults grow to think of as mundane. We can find find god in the rock trapped in the grooves of our shoes. The title throws me off a bit though. Why Jesus? Why pisces? Perhaps there is something I am missing The alternate title makes sense to me however.

| Posted on 2009-03-09 00:00:00 | by screams | [ Reply to This ]

I could see a little Maori boy with snot on his lip exploring for hours down at the beach, poking into the rocks with a stick for crabs, holding shells out to the light, casting stones into the sea. It really opens up the senses and then though that wonder is retained into adulthood the it is also tempered with the questions of adulthood so that there's a nice comparison to be made with the "soiled child" at the beginning of the piece, and wonder that had all the jagged rough edges of rocks and starfish etc is honed, perhaps by the metaphorical rough sea of life and persistence into these beautiful and bittersweet eternals. It took me a few reads to find this because of the of the layout but in the end in found out how to access it and think it fits together well. There's something to be said about the phrasing of the eye lashes verses the sky dive eyes. If there was one part that threw me off rhythm it was this initially but now I think those lashes speak of tranquility and answers ie jesus and the skydive eyes of course are the searchers. I think it threw me off because there didn't seem a clear ending of the description boy...ah, i just looked again and it's because I enjambed pretty into the next line without following your intended change of course. so maybe you'll just trip up a few people. I just left a comment for Arthur yesterday about depth. It's nice to find that here too. DB

| Posted on 2009-03-06 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

Is it meant to look like fishies swimming?

| Posted on 2009-03-06 00:00:00 | by CrypticBard | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest. 2. Try not to give only compliments. 3. How did it make you feel? 4. Why did it make you feel that way? 5. Which parts? 6. What distracted from the piece?

7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

171790