Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Boredom sets indots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Plegias
    ASL Info:    17/ male/ my house
    Elite Ratio:    3.25 - 37/23/40
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 625
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 626



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBoredom sets indots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm at the computer, it's where I can write,
    Where I am not trudged upon or in sight.
    Soon I'm gone and words are in my head,
    Boredom takes its place, wanting to be read.

    Out of sight and out of mind, I begin to write,
    Surprised by anything like oncomming light.
    I write it down, make it form words,
    I forget all about those nasty bores.

    It just keeps comming, I don't want to stop,
    But I must, I do, or I just won't stop.
    Now I leave this poem to you,
    so when you're bored, you'll know what to do.




    Submitted on 2009-03-07 18:32:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Its really comical and rhythmic which i like. it really capture your attention and i would like to say that you dont always have to rhyme each line not that i dont like you did that but dont feel like you need to rhyme. Theres a couple of spelling mistakes such as comming =coming and upcomming=upcoming
    Also another tip i would like to impart is that when you write something even a simple concept as boredom try to stretch its meaning and dimensions into something totally unrelated. it really keeps the readers glued onto your piece and wanting more:)
    I really like the part where you say Boredom takes its place, wanting to be read".
    Hope that helps and happy writing!
    | Posted on 2009-03-08 00:00:00 | by sophisticatedme | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    171841

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Bond written by saartha
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    To written by SavedDragon
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    This written by Chelebel
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Giving written by jjd

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry