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    dots Submission Name: Pitch Blackdots

    Author: Gmann2
    ASL Info:    20/m/wa
    Elite Ratio:    1.93 - 5/3/55
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Riddle/Misc
    Total Views: 722
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1107


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    dotsPitch Blackdots

    Fury Pulses in and out my veins
    My heart pounds, I go insane

    From the tips of my toes to my thumbs,
    My whole body goes numb

    I can't explain what's happening to me,
    But I can't control it... so I let it be

    My legs start to tingle and my head feels light
    And sooner or later, I lose all my sight

    I want to sleep but I can't close my eyes
    They sting and burn... I want to cry

    I hold them shut, they put up a fight
    With all my power, I close them tight

    Once I've won the battle, I drift into a dream
    After a while, I star to scream

    Make this nightmare leave my head
    I throw of the sheets and crawl outta bed

    The clock reads 1:01, but I know it not...
    It's the time my bad dream lost when we fought

    Finally, I might be able to rest in serenity
    That dream was my enemy

    Of all the good dreams I lack,
    I'm kind of glad my nightmare was in Pitch Black.

    Submitted on 2009-03-13 08:05:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      very cute how you used David Twohy Chronicles oF Riddick as a play on words to create this dream-esk poem. while my aversion to rhyming poetry doesn't take away from the contents it does the structure and flow. the use of couplets as an effective tool to keep the story flowing but i just would be my first choice. but hey it's your poem do what makes you happy right? ha.

    great set of movies to write about by the way

    | Posted on 2009-03-13 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]

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