[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Manufactured Emotionsdots

    Author: Ethan Brody
    ASL Info:    35 - M - Chile
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 440/205/78
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 768
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 454

       just anything you want to say would be great!



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsManufactured Emotionsdots

    Trapped in a hula hoop
    Of ancient sentiments,
    Forged by tradition
    And spurred by blindness.

    After all, we are slaves
    Finding our way out of a roundabout
    Like a running mouse,
    Trying to beat the wheel.

    And in the blink of an eye,
    everybody meets
    the same headgear designer
    and become passionate in a protocol-like fashion!

    Submitted on 2009-03-14 03:38:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Interesting. I like the idea.
    | Posted on 2009-03-16 00:00:00 | by Ruffian | [ Reply to This ]
      Anything I want to say? You’re giving me far too much freedom here. Don’t worry – I’ll try to not abuse it. So now let me just piece this apart for a moment.
    The first line is like a handshake and I really like your first line. Hula hoop was an unusual choice and unusual is always much more fun. I found it very fun to read. Then you get pretty serious with the next three lines. “Forged” and “spurred” being perfect word choice in my opinion.
    The second stanza confused me at first. Because I didn’t know what a roundabout was. We don’t call them roundabouts here. It was more of a technical confusion and not something so drastic that it would affect the poem though. But it was very nice and “slaves” being a bold word which set it out pretty well.
    The next stanza reminds me of a good storyteller. It’s nice transition. The same headgear designer made me smile. It brought me right back to your similar humor in the hula-hoop line.
    I won’t claim full understanding or even partial understanding – I’m intent on keeping my naive, and flighty persona ;). As far as I can tell you’re trying to say that we’re fighting for matters or causes that just were passed down from ages ago. *Shrugs*I stare at Mona Lisa and just see a creepy gal smiling so I’m no genius at analyzing here but that’s what I got out of it.
    Thanks for the read!
    | Posted on 2009-03-15 00:00:00 | by Indelible_ink | [ Reply to This ]
      This has great potential!
    I really REALLY love the point you're making here. As it's the point I try to make to everyone as well. ^_^
    Your language is very visual and unique! I love it!
    The only problem I see, as the person before me has pointed out, is the final stanza. I'm not quite sure what you're getting at. Unless, it's maybe that as we (the ones frantically trying to escape the hold society has over us) try to leave the roundabout, we are eventually trapped by fads and the like claiming to be the ticket to freedom?

    Other than the final stanza, this is a great poem! Thank you for sharing!
    | Posted on 2009-03-14 00:00:00 | by doppelganger | [ Reply to This ]
      It has given me a lot to think about Ethan in the first 2 verses. The last verse I can make little of--- my bad?
    | Posted on 2009-03-14 00:00:00 | by edcherry | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Mystery Read written by kyserin




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]