I think the first & last part feels a bit forced as far as the ryhme goes but personally i loved it...it was very heartfelt and the emotions really flow through...the best part for me was the following:
The way you’d run scared
If I didn’t say goodbye
The way you got defensive
When I was in another’s eye
Your sweet cheeks I loved to kiss
Or your mouth I’d watch speak
Your eyes that burned with passion
That then seemed so meek
The way we’d work together
When nothing seemed right
The way you’d curl in a ball
And I still held on tight
But that sight it burns deep
The scar will remain
Yet the tears I’ve shed, the things I said
These will never change (this could flow better)
Every night we’d say goodbye
In our own old-fashioned way
And I’ll work up my courage
Just to repeat today
The rest takes away the brilliance of these few verses...just my thoughts...
namlooc20, you have the meat here for a poem, but you need to aim at rhythm --- there are lots of different rhythms to choose from. simple 4 ft.length per line, eg:-
I pray you give me one more chance
So I can show you true romance
To surely sweep you off your feet
And promise you I'll never cheat.
"my dear" ouch, grandfather stuff!! I have ignored your rhyming to point out an easy rhythm, and I am not suggesting you use my words. Try simple dit dah with the syllables.
i PRAY you GIVE me ONE more CHANCE
so I can SHOW you TRUE roMANCE
The capitalised words are dahs = stresses.
Lastly, rhyming itself does not a poem make!!!
It is a useful tool, use it if you feel a need, but don't force the words for it. Good luck lover to be. Ted.