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    dots Submission Name: Ripplesdots

    Author: col13x
    Elite Ratio:    2.26 - 119/300/559
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 375
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1029


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.



    A sudden chime reiterates
    She touches the world
    A fingertip
    And ripples sent
    Feed back

    Hits resounding light
    Fluent curls
    She signals
    Waves repeating
    Sent ripples
    Washing through

    A holding breath for a moment
    Landscaping emotions
    As she dips
    Down upon the re-entry
    Calling ripples sent
    On waking

    Gathers the hems and skirts of beauty
    The day turns
    Me on a pendulum swing
    She senses me
    Ever to her
    Ripples sending

    And every morning I stand and wait
    Looking over the edge
    Out over a precipice
    While the cool morning winds are warming
    I hang in a moment
    She touches the world

    Submitted on 2009-03-16 19:16:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I only read this because I thought it said nipples
    | Posted on 2009-03-18 00:00:00 | by Sethesin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a representation of good rhythm and images. It is, to me, based around imagism and onomatopoeia and it worked well. This sort of thing isn't attempted a lot of the time on this site and it is usually not done this well. I really can't think of a lot of critsicism to this I don't think it is too long and a poem like this usually needs a lot of room for the images. Well done!

    | Posted on 2009-03-16 00:00:00 | by Dead Bell | [ Reply to This ]
      This is kind of cool. Sometimes im too lazy to read things that are long, so i skim them, but i had to go back and read this one, because it interested me. I like that ik kind of looks like ripples, although i dont know whether that was purposeful or not.
    I really like the first verse, Its choppy, but perfect.

    Dont know what else to say...

    | Posted on 2009-03-16 00:00:00 | by dthforeverpain8 | [ Reply to This ]

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