This is a representation of good rhythm and images. It is, to me, based around imagism and onomatopoeia and it worked well. This sort of thing isn't attempted a lot of the time on this site and it is usually not done this well. I really can't think of a lot of critsicism to this I don't think it is too long and a poem like this usually needs a lot of room for the images. Well done!
This is kind of cool. Sometimes im too lazy to read things that are long, so i skim them, but i had to go back and read this one, because it interested me. I like that ik kind of looks like ripples, although i dont know whether that was purposeful or not.
I really like the first verse, Its choppy, but perfect.