Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Truncate the euphoria that bled into my wounddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TheStillSilence
    ASL Info:    20/F/Out in Outer Space
    Elite Ratio:    5.1 - 180/107/54
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 680
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 783



    Description:
       I've had writers-block for many months now. This is my first piece since; trying to overcome it...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTruncate the euphoria that bled into my wounddots
    -------------------------------------------


    the birds didn't sing their song to the leaves

    "She tasted like vinegar the first time I had her"

    the transcending sky prayers hummed instead

    The carousel he slid me on spun too fast

    he knew: their capricious demonic screeches would frighten the color away

    He had me in a champagne glass with an olive on a tooth pick and gulped me down with his eyes shut and head cocked back

    to him" the savages of flight sang in fervent. majestic tones

    He whispered that I tasted like sin, and reached for another glass

    their song ended in a hollow apology

    He ate the olive, stirred me with the tooth pick; the carousel spun too fast again.




    Submitted on 2009-03-16 23:35:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      There are some very provoking thoughts/words in this piece but the brackets make it feel very broken and hard to follow....for me anyway :)
    | Posted on 2009-03-17 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    172233

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Giving written by jjd
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Wavelength written by saartha
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Chelebel
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Linger written by saartha
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Bond written by saartha
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry