Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Truncate the euphoria that bled into my wounddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TheStillSilence
    ASL Info:    20/F/Out in Outer Space
    Elite Ratio:    5.1 - 180/107/54
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 700
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 783



    Description:
       I've had writers-block for many months now. This is my first piece since; trying to overcome it...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTruncate the euphoria that bled into my wounddots
    -------------------------------------------


    the birds didn't sing their song to the leaves

    "She tasted like vinegar the first time I had her"

    the transcending sky prayers hummed instead

    The carousel he slid me on spun too fast

    he knew: their capricious demonic screeches would frighten the color away

    He had me in a champagne glass with an olive on a tooth pick and gulped me down with his eyes shut and head cocked back

    to him" the savages of flight sang in fervent. majestic tones

    He whispered that I tasted like sin, and reached for another glass

    their song ended in a hollow apology

    He ate the olive, stirred me with the tooth pick; the carousel spun too fast again.




    Submitted on 2009-03-16 23:35:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      There are some very provoking thoughts/words in this piece but the brackets make it feel very broken and hard to follow....for me anyway :)
    | Posted on 2009-03-17 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    172233

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Push written by JanePlane
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    untitled written by Chelebel
    To written by SavedDragon
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    This written by Chelebel
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Incubus written by monad
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry