Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Truncate the euphoria that bled into my wounddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TheStillSilence
    ASL Info:    20/F/Out in Outer Space
    Elite Ratio:    5.1 - 180/107/54
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 654
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 783



    Description:
       I've had writers-block for many months now. This is my first piece since; trying to overcome it...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTruncate the euphoria that bled into my wounddots
    -------------------------------------------


    the birds didn't sing their song to the leaves

    "She tasted like vinegar the first time I had her"

    the transcending sky prayers hummed instead

    The carousel he slid me on spun too fast

    he knew: their capricious demonic screeches would frighten the color away

    He had me in a champagne glass with an olive on a tooth pick and gulped me down with his eyes shut and head cocked back

    to him" the savages of flight sang in fervent. majestic tones

    He whispered that I tasted like sin, and reached for another glass

    their song ended in a hollow apology

    He ate the olive, stirred me with the tooth pick; the carousel spun too fast again.




    Submitted on 2009-03-16 23:35:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      There are some very provoking thoughts/words in this piece but the brackets make it feel very broken and hard to follow....for me anyway :)
    | Posted on 2009-03-17 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    172233

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    A bit of Pain written by teika5

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry