Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Convulsions


Author: Old
Elite Ratio:    3.12 - 69 /98 /93
Words: 59
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1010
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 409



Description:




Convulsions



Beauty is for sale
so trade in your beliefs
before they go stale
and obtain some trees.

The only cost for
your every desire
as a lonely whore
is an all consuming fire.

Inferno for your eyes
seems a worthy trade,
but all you're offered is lies.

Existence has been paid
and realitys hands are tied.




Submitted on 2009-03-18 01:23:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Thats deep but its hard to tell which direction
you want to take this piece.

I like it, but I think you need to add a little more.

Late J
| Posted on 2009-03-20 00:00:00 | by oononotthatguy | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



172270