Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Night Watchdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2779/1297/258
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 623
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 953



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNight Watchdots
    -------------------------------------------


    He was like a man who discovered his past by accident in a haze of heroin heíd boiled and poured into his eyes. We were afraid of him but we wanted to respect him even though heíd collapsed his veins and wore shades to protect his bloodshot orbs. My mother prayed because there wasnít any other hope for us. We were a near fatherless group of four living in a trailer a mile outside of town, but Mom never complained about our bastard lives. He loved us with a deadbeat fatherís half-hearted devotion, and Iím sure he was always gone to keep us from the line of fire.

    They found him in a ditch when I was eleven, and we buried him in another with the help of a local church where Mom spent most of her time. She was the exhausted demigod to Dadís total devil but we were too young to know why she was tired. Now she rests the way an angel might that had outlasted hell.

    If only we could learn to sleep so furiously.




    Submitted on 2009-03-18 04:00:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Sha-zam, man! This is about as Southern Gothic as you can get. I don't know if you intended that effect, but it hit the nail hard. There are no extra words or an attempt to make this scene any more, or less, than it is.

    You do not "copy" any author or poet who spoke this sparse language. You do not make this tale overly-drab or sensational. For me this is an eloquent journal entry made at 3:00am when an artist's mind is most restless.

    There is a carelessness which may fool many. This is no accidental success.

    I love this piece.

    I will be back to see more.

    No doubt.
    | Posted on 2009-04-02 00:00:00 | by Hollander | [ Reply to This ]
      sometimes you have this way of bringing a feeling so close, you can touch it. i don't know... this is hard living. just plain old hard. and how do you find hope in situations like this, how do you bear the struggle of daily life? but then if this is all that is known, somewhere along the way you just learn to live the hand you've been given. hope can make things bearable. faith makes it liveable.

    i think kids are unaware of the struggles a parent may go through until they look back.
    because their experience is different. (most times). and not necessarily less painful.

    this is touching, and sad, and hard, and real feeling. and still, there is this tenderness that comes through. a tenderness that isn't pity.

    just my thoughts...
    | Posted on 2009-03-18 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      If this is about your childhood Bill, then I can only say that it is wonderful that a quality fruit can be produced from such an awfully tilled garden. Such a mother would have to have been an angel misplaced to hell. A really gritty write, congratulations. Ted.
    | Posted on 2009-03-18 00:00:00 | by edcherry | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Huy,

    this sweeps you up because of the child's eye view and because, even so, that view is one step removed from a [censored] wife, [censored] mother who is unknowingly the answer to her own prayers. That kind of responsibility is
    the kind of great burden woman endure. That's my mum minus the drugs, it's too many mums. Women have a great ability to endure.

    Fantastic
    | Posted on 2009-03-18 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      I believe this will be taken up by many who read it.

    Phrases are lead ins you touch upon with the next line.

    And so it goes, all too soon you close the last page of a book knowing you'll carry the words with you.

    Excuse the praise, it was well earned.
    | Posted on 2009-03-18 00:00:00 | by HuyBenAmon | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    172276

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Push written by JanePlane
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    To written by SavedDragon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Bond written by saartha
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry