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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: California Dreamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wewak11
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 3436/3630/329
    Words: 217
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 626
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1281



    Description:
       The struggle when dying of cancer


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCalifornia Dreamdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Redondo Beach was calling me, I had to make it home,
    Id overstayed my welcome in the frozen wastes of Nome,
    I missed the blue Pacific and the apple pie and cream,
    and slowly headed south to see my California dream.

    The mercury was dropping as I held my thumb on high,
    no cars or trucks were stopping and I knew the reason why,
    I had to make it on my own, as hard as that may seem,
    to go through Hell and back to reach my California dream.

    I struggled down through Canada, despite the constant rain,
    the shivers hit me while I travelled slowly through Spokane,
    Montana warmed me up again, the winter sun agleam,
    as I trudged ever downwards to my California dream.

    The soles upon my shoes were wearing thin by Idaho,
    I wrapped my feet in rags to tackle Rocky Mountain snow,
    but Yellowstone is where I think I lost my self-esteem,
    and almost quit the quest to find my California dream.

    I made the beach at last and felt the warmth of summer sun,
    the sea was cold, I felt as if my life had just begun,
    I sank beneath the waves, a part of natures cryptic scheme,
    and drifted into Paradise my California dream.




    Submitted on 2009-03-18 20:57:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is very good but I think the a different title might mean you never had to mention cancer in the description.

    I just watched '3:10 to Yuma' and this reminded me of that brutal sort of quest and dogged determination.
    There's an understated savageness in the rhythm that leaves little time for pity.

    Very much enjoyed this--

    --Huy

    | Posted on 2009-03-19 00:00:00 | by HuyBenAmon | [ Reply to This ]
      You painted very intense pictures in my mind's eye. I could actually see some body struggling to reach their goal. It's very inspiring. I especially loved how you had a reminder of the California dream in every last line of each stanza. It kept reminding me that you had a goal and that that goal was pushing you to overcome very arduous obstacles. It kept up the hope and motivation until the California dream was reached.

    The very last lines were bittersweet and very meaningful.

    Fantastic piece.
    | Posted on 2009-03-18 00:00:00 | by dear | [ Reply to This ]


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