Toy With Me. -------------------------------------------
What a wonderfully beautiful toy
We have here.
So pretty it is dancing in the dark
How the moonlight does shine on him
Come play with it, dance, sing, feel
But not for long.
Because this toy will never belong
What a superbly magnificent toy
We see now.
So fun it is to play along in this game
How fluid-like his movements are
Like a human.
Come see the toy we all have made
To be all alone.
Because this toy can never belong
What an astoundingly stupid toy we have
So comically it asks what true love is and
Why he can't have it.
How we would tell him wonderful lies
Of false love.
Come see us then leave him alone again
To repeat the process.
Because this toy couldn't belong
You did an okay job of slightly sugar coating yourself with the theme of an attractive object that does not find itself attractive or even worthy for that matter.
I believe you were using the toy as the driving force to
give the reader another reason why he or she should detect YOU the person from the toy that gives the first impression of a toy BEING described with an imaginary mindset and thoughts of being in a box or feeling unwanted.I think this is very cool but I feel their was serious effort behind this more than so playing around.
By you labeling it a depressed type of piece that kind of gave it away a little bit.I still thinks it's very well put together with a sense of you being tired of being treated a certain way or dealing with something your familiar with but can no longer put up with so you get the thought of it "toying with you".
I like this, and how you describe yourself as a toy. I've never thought of things from that perspective before... nor have I seen anyone else so far. The rhythm was really good too... I like how you repeated your main point... I think it made the piece stronger. Good job!