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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Toy With Me.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Hazy skies
    ASL Info:    18/M/Texas
    Elite Ratio:    2.34 - 20/51/26
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1109
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1089



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsToy With Me.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    What a wonderfully beautiful toy
    We have here.
    So pretty it is dancing in the dark
    All alone.
    How the moonlight does shine on him
    Like silver.
    Come play with it, dance, sing, feel
    But not for long.


    Because this toy will never belong
    To anyone.
    Ever.


    What a superbly magnificent toy
    We see now.
    So fun it is to play along in this game
    For awhile.
    How fluid-like his movements are
    Like a human.
    Come see the toy we all have made
    To be all alone.


    Because this toy can never belong
    To anyone.
    Ever.


    What an astoundingly stupid toy we have
    Created.
    So comically it asks what true love is and
    Why he can't have it.
    How we would tell him wonderful lies
    Of false love.
    Come see us then leave him alone again
    To repeat the process.


    Because this toy couldn't belong
    To anyone.
    Ever...




    Submitted on 2009-03-20 12:14:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You did an okay job of slightly sugar coating yourself with the theme of an attractive object that does not find itself attractive or even worthy for that matter.
    I believe you were using the toy as the driving force to
    give the reader another reason why he or she should detect YOU the person from the toy that gives the first impression of a toy BEING described with an imaginary mindset and thoughts of being in a box or feeling unwanted.I think this is very cool but I feel their was serious effort behind this more than so playing around.
    By you labeling it a depressed type of piece that kind of gave it away a little bit.I still thinks it's very well put together with a sense of you being tired of being treated a certain way or dealing with something your familiar with but can no longer put up with so you get the thought of it "toying with you".

    RG
    | Posted on 2010-10-23 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this, and how you describe yourself as a toy. I've never thought of things from that perspective before... nor have I seen anyone else so far. The rhythm was really good too... I like how you repeated your main point... I think it made the piece stronger. Good job!
    | Posted on 2009-05-15 00:00:00 | by Kaygrl | [ Reply to This ]
      Its funny, I like the way you have described yourself like a toy, with no control.
    Original and well written.
    | Posted on 2009-04-02 00:00:00 | by BanSidhe | [ Reply to This ]
      ... not bad. and demon_666 is right. itll only get worse before it gets better.
    | Posted on 2009-03-23 00:00:00 | by extrEMO | [ Reply to This ]
      AWE!
    This is a good write!
    If you think you are alone and unloved now prepare yourself it will only get worse before it ever gets better.
    | Posted on 2009-03-23 00:00:00 | by Demon__666 | [ Reply to This ]
      simle, but fancy. good verbage , nice twist. good poem
    | Posted on 2009-03-21 00:00:00 | by JoJoCrab | [ Reply to This ]


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