Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the hum of a passing planedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Black Rock Tractor
    Elite Ratio:    3.78 - 555/824/140
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 967
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 627



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe hum of a passing planedots
    -------------------------------------------


    a plane hums over the tree line
    growing closer
    slowly
    then moving on

    its engine propels it through the sky
    with the same calming roll
    as it did when Nate and I
    wandered
    the Sand Hills years ago

    i remember we pretended to be explorers
    but really
    we were not pretending
    at all

    as the hum of the plane fades
    i pretend
    that nothing has changed
    but really
    i am not pretending at all
    and i look forward to the next time
    that Nate
    and I
    can go exploring




    Submitted on 2009-03-20 18:11:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ugh
    i know all about pretending but not pretending simultaneously though i like to pretend it isnt happening.

    pretend is powerful.
    pretend renders me useless.

    there is a feeling of restlessness in this piece.
    the pretending nothing has changed in a looking back remembering how good everything was kind of way and then realising youre not pretending which comes across in a stagnant 'i should be more... grown up? well off? etc etc etc" kind of way brings an interesting balance to the piece.


    | Posted on 2009-03-27 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahh, planes. I love planes. But that's besides the point. I love this piece. Simple, beautifully detailed, and thought provoking. (At least to me anyway). The first line "a plane hums over the tree line" and then the drop off format did a wonderful job of capturing that sound. The humming and then the fading away.
    I also really liked the "we pretended to be explorers but really we were not pretending at all". Isn't that how it is in life for a lot of things? You feel as though you are "pretending" to be certain things but in reality you are. I love that.
    Great piece! Definitely a favorite. :)
    | Posted on 2009-03-23 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      haha omg wen i started reading this, i heard a plane fly over my house, wut great timing :D

    Cry
    | Posted on 2009-03-21 00:00:00 | by WhY-dO-yOu-CrY | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this to a point but feel it gets stuck in the same observation. Yes, the exploring mentioned in the second part is of the grown up variety, but I don't feel that's sufficient goodstuff to make a complete poem.

    Also there's the mention of the sand hill but other than that it's a bleak exploration. Yes, there's the clever use of the sound of the plane, but it's not that anyone could appreciate this piece as well as the speaker and Nate.

    I suggest thinking about a volta and putting some work into the scenery so that we can get a feeling for these two. These little things could make a lot of difference and completely what already works well here.

    DB
    | Posted on 2009-03-21 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    172365

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Every..... written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Push written by JanePlane
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    True Death written by layDsayD
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry