the hum of a passing plane -------------------------------------------
a plane hums over the tree line
growing closer
slowly
then moving on
its engine propels it through the sky
with the same calming roll
as it did when Nate and I
wandered
the Sand Hills years ago
i remember we pretended to be explorers
but really
we were not pretending
at all
as the hum of the plane fades
i pretend
that nothing has changed
but really
i am not pretending at all
and i look forward to the next time
that Nate
and I
can go exploring
ugh
i know all about pretending but not pretending simultaneously though i like to pretend it isnt happening.
pretend is powerful.
pretend renders me useless.
there is a feeling of restlessness in this piece.
the pretending nothing has changed in a looking back remembering how good everything was kind of way and then realising youre not pretending which comes across in a stagnant 'i should be more... grown up? well off? etc etc etc" kind of way brings an interesting balance to the piece.
Ahh, planes. I love planes. But that's besides the point. I love this piece. Simple, beautifully detailed, and thought provoking. (At least to me anyway). The first line "a plane hums over the tree line" and then the drop off format did a wonderful job of capturing that sound. The humming and then the fading away.
I also really liked the "we pretended to be explorers but really we were not pretending at all". Isn't that how it is in life for a lot of things? You feel as though you are "pretending" to be certain things but in reality you are. I love that.
Great piece! Definitely a favorite. :)
I like this to a point but feel it gets stuck in the same observation. Yes, the exploring mentioned in the second part is of the grown up variety, but I don't feel that's sufficient goodstuff to make a complete poem.
Also there's the mention of the sand hill but other than that it's a bleak exploration. Yes, there's the clever use of the sound of the plane, but it's not that anyone could appreciate this piece as well as the speaker and Nate.
I suggest thinking about a volta and putting some work into the scenery so that we can get a feeling for these two. These little things could make a lot of difference and completely what already works well here.
Submission Name: the hum of a passing plane
