Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: White Butterfliesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SavedDragon
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 303/258/84
    Words: 54
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1179
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 372



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhite Butterfliesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Forever seemed so promising

    The words locked well into the heart

    A betrayal seemed so daunting

    That I sure felt we would not part

    A shield gone trampled before me

    Tenderness left behind its core

    And from the body on the floor

    Its fluttering white butterflies.




    Submitted on 2009-03-21 13:59:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i should have been wearing my painproof vest...

    like bullets your leaving penetrated my heart...

    the idea of living without you so daunting i couldn't imagine it...

    but it happened..and when it did...my soul left my body...

    now there is nothing to make me tick...no pulse to my emotions.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-04-13 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Simple words, heartfelt emotions, great visualization, nice work :D
    | Posted on 2009-03-23 00:00:00 | by Razorain | [ Reply to This ]
      thanks but this poem is not about me..most of my poems aren't. ItI create based on an emotion I want the reader to feel..n i take it from there. This is however, extracted from one of Thoreau's poems and the white butterflies signifies the soul leaving the body. He uses it in one of his poems.
    | Posted on 2009-03-23 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
      It is a very good poem but... your rhyme is off and... well, it's just not me, the rhyme scheme, but I do like your poem, please keep up the excelent work and... i hope you recover well from this poem's meaning.
    | Posted on 2009-03-22 00:00:00 | by Plegias | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    172390

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Chapter written by Crestfallenman
    like any good spartan written by Daniel Barlow
    Roots written by Chelebel
    Collision written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Global Death Do Incite written by MyPeriodical
    Bleeding part two written by MyPeriodical
    The written by Hazy skies
    a given written by Daniel Barlow
    Chèvrefeuille written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    Position written by Daniel Barlow
    Reveled Night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Outside the Chain written by Wolfwatching
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    TSC written by rev.jpfadeproof
    being direct, it's written by Daniel Barlow
    Ahem written by Daniel Barlow
    Cannot Assimilate written by Daniel Barlow
    At The Bottom written by MyPeriodical
    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Ballad written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled#1 written by Daniel Barlow
    Forget written by Crestfallenman
    Terrified part three written by MyPeriodical
    Sweet You written by Daniel Barlow
    Things become tangled written by Daniel Barlow
    Yearn written by saartha
    Blinded by Sight written by Torie
    Sun-meeting written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry