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    dots Submission Name: Foolish Guestdots

    Author: EileenToTheLeft
    ASL Info:    28/f/va
    Elite Ratio:    2.58 - 16/36/55
    Words: 200
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 593
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1328


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFoolish Guestdots

    As you climb back onto the barstool,
    I catch your glasses in mid-fall and,
    with care not to stumble, place them back to your face.
    Can you see now? Probably not.
    We've become flies, you know.
    Clinging to these bottles and cups, caught in the sweatdrops.
    Our wings, soaked by combination of clumsiness and eagerness to sip.
    And though we still have legs, they've temporarily forgotten their duty.
    They are drunk and laughing at our bodies, jesting,
    "Where do you think YOU'RE going?!"
    Nowhere, obviously.
    But we're both drowning together, right?...Am I right?
    You hold my hand.
    You bite my ear.
    You keep me here night after night as...a friend? No.
    As an excuse. But, I understand.
    Though, I'd rather pretend not to. And you know this.
    Before long, the crowd closes in.
    We're prey to each of their sappy sorry stories,
    their old man hands grasping our thighs and it makes me sick.
    I shiver with pure hatred. But it all must be expected, by now.
    So, we've adapted. Or, rather, I have.
    For, you made this hellhole a home long ago and
    I am nothing more than a lonesome, foolish guest.

    Submitted on 2009-03-21 14:02:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this one captured my interest immediately..but
    "we have become flies" is so good...a nice metaphor...
    then you just drop it...

    would like to have seen that extended into the second half and then throughout the poem...

    i have read several of your pieces...and i am almost there with them...but often you bring a great analogy or metaphor to some lines...but then stop...

    a chance to paint such pictures...there is an "in your face" feeling in your poems which moves me...

    but i get just slightly disappointed with what could have been...what shows its head...and then disappears in the next lines.

    just thoughts

    | Posted on 2011-04-03 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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