There are many dainty rules
of etiquette intended to avoid
the incongruous, designed
not to upset, like picking up
a bone china tea cup between
thumb and forefinger
with little finger cocked…
or tipping a soup bowl away
from you, to finish
the very last drop...
But when that dried lump
of chocolate powder (is it?)
caught between your teeth
turns out to have legs
etiquette can go stuff itself
Waiter: there’s a fucking cockroach in my cappuccino!
this remind me of a piece i read last time on the other writing side i was at...
i cannot get the link as the moderator (or whatever you call them) accidentally deleted everything on that site once! i do not think the author re-posted it but it was a nice piece
it was about a lady sitting down for tea and there was those things you had to do? sit straight, ankles crossed, etc... then suddenly (if i remembered correctly) she spilled her tea and she went "oopsie bloody daisy"
literally got me laughing out loud, same with your piece
sometimes someone so "prim and proper" can burst out cursing in an unguarded moment...
i normally dont curse but sometimes it... escapes my brain-mouth filter
Question: was the waiter saying that last line, or was someone else saying 'waiter, blah blah blah'? The use of the colon threw me off.
The poem itself is a little chaotic. The meter is all over the place and no sense of structure. But this being a comedy with a cockroach as a punchline, I think this is probably beneficial. Maybe try to smooth it out and make it run better. Definitely a good base, though. I haven't heard jokes about bugs in food for a while, and this brought me back.