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    dots Submission Name: etiquette intended dots

    Author: Joachim
    ASL Info:    75 Male RSA
    Elite Ratio:    5.39 - 361/264/178
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 488
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 561

       I don`t like the "F" word, but then - it might get me something. Steve Walter

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    dotsetiquette intended dots

    There are many dainty rules
    of etiquette intended to avoid
    the incongruous, designed
    not to upset, like picking up
    a bone china tea cup between
    thumb and forefinger
    with little finger cocked…
    or tipping a soup bowl away
    from you, to finish
    the very last drop...
    But when that dried lump
    of chocolate powder (is it?)
    caught between your teeth
    turns out to have legs
    etiquette can go stuff itself
    Waiter: there’s a fucking cockroach in my cappuccino!

    Submitted on 2009-03-23 05:54:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this remind me of a piece i read last time on the other writing side i was at...

    i cannot get the link as the moderator (or whatever you call them) accidentally deleted everything on that site once! i do not think the author re-posted it but it was a nice piece

    it was about a lady sitting down for tea and there was those things you had to do? sit straight, ankles crossed, etc... then suddenly (if i remembered correctly) she spilled her tea and she went "oopsie bloody daisy"

    literally got me laughing out loud, same with your piece
    sometimes someone so "prim and proper" can burst out cursing in an unguarded moment...
    i normally dont curse but sometimes it... escapes my brain-mouth filter
    | Posted on 2009-05-30 00:00:00 | by rubymoon | [ Reply to This ]
      Question: was the waiter saying that last line, or was someone else saying 'waiter, blah blah blah'? The use of the colon threw me off.
    The poem itself is a little chaotic. The meter is all over the place and no sense of structure. But this being a comedy with a cockroach as a punchline, I think this is probably beneficial. Maybe try to smooth it out and make it run better. Definitely a good base, though. I haven't heard jokes about bugs in food for a while, and this brought me back.
    | Posted on 2009-03-24 00:00:00 | by Sephiroth | [ Reply to This ]
      No! The bug WAS in the cup. Therefore, etiquette was extended. And the poor waiter, innocent, received no tip.
    | Posted on 2009-03-23 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]

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