Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Your Wine Sets in Virginiadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Black Rock Tractor
    Elite Ratio:    3.78 - 555/824/140
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1222
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 507



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYour Wine Sets in Virginiadots
    -------------------------------------------


    Today I purchased a set of needle-nose pliers
    And some Post-It notes and glue

    When you go
    I will pull from my memory the best of you
    Paste it to the notes
    And flip them with my thumb

    If I call you too often
    You will know that the flip book did not work
    Or perhaps the memories got stuck

    Either way
    Im calling tonight around seven
    and if I'm drunk or boring
    you will know again that I love you




    Submitted on 2009-03-23 22:20:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      GOD!!

    this is incredible.
    like...

    i have so many different responses to this piece.

    the first is a song by jenny lewis called you are what you love in which the main refrain says "you are what you love and not what loves you back... thats why im here on your doorstep pleading for you to take me back" [or 'so i guess thats why you keep calling me back'] and it also has a verse thats starts with 'and the phone is fine invention/it allows me to talk endlessly to you/about nothing diguising my intentions/which im afraid my friend are wildly untrue'

    lol. so i almost sang you the whole song.


    i love the pliers and the post-its.
    theres a song by emmy the great [sorry im thinking in songs tonight] called gabriel and theres a video for it in which she is lying on the floor covered in post-it notes saying 'gabriel i have kept/everything you sent me/everything you put on paper' and thats the image i see when i read this piece.

    and i like the way you mention phoning too often in one stanza and then either way im calling tonight.

    its just a beautiful piece and i must favourite it and revisit it frequently.
    | Posted on 2009-03-27 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, the metaphor is great in this one. I think it kind of falls apart at the end, but I'm not sure if you meant to do that or not. It's a nice kind of non-strict pattern to the stanzas, and it forms well.

    I just wish it were longer :P

    Wishing for more
    ~Brian
    | Posted on 2009-03-24 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    172486

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Outlaw
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry