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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Unloved to Deathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dismentled
    ASL Info:    26/M/"South of Heaven"
    Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 625/583/217
    Words: 186
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 874
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1347



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnloved to Deathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Little bo-peep
    Was malwed by sheep
    They were wearing
    Wolves clothing
    Does anyone care
    Is anyone aware
    That she lye
    Broken and bleeding?

    Came in the midst
    Of the day,
    Kindly asked her
    Out to play
    Was told to
    Please trust them
    That they’d always,
    Love her dearly

    Lying wasted
    Coffin side
    Her mothers mascara
    Smearing
    Knew not wrong
    From her right
    Now the child
    Is un-endearing

    Was told to trust
    Was taught to love
    But the example
    Was not enough
    Did as she saw
    not like she should
    now pays the price
    with 200lbs of wood

    the wolves shed
    their sheepy skin
    knowing what lyes
    so deep within
    to each thyne own
    the sheep grin
    “too bad it was
    our own kin”

    now she looks
    from hell below
    cause no one cared
    for her soul;
    “I TRUSTED YOU!”
    She screams in cries
    All to late
    For her to know…

    Cause everyone was there
    But no one cared
    They were too busy
    Ignoring her breathing
    Doing wrong
    From right
    Left the rest
    In seething




    Submitted on 2009-03-24 17:00:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      OK, es sucks balls sometimes..I swore I commented on this here??

    in any case I *LOVE* this one, I'm not sure I should love it so much, as the pain and backstory is apparent, but it's still an amazing write.
    The little bopeep theme was perfect && added a morbid edge I'm not sure it could have got any other way- this was exceptionally poetic as well, most of your writing is either a decent mix or lyrical first and poetic second. All 3 are good, just worth mentioning here =]

    I love the undertone of rage here too, it's not simply telling a story or sharing a regret but pointing out how messed up the entire thing was-

    like I said, I love this one =]
    && of course, I love you <3
    | Posted on 2009-05-07 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      A great write! though i was kind of confused with the two words "mawled" and "lye", were they purposely put there? i was thinking that she was mauled by sheep, but i could be wrong. there is wisdom in every write and im not sure i understand the begining of it. Not the actual meaning but why it was written like that.
    But after that it was written beautifully, i like how you used Little BoPeep.
    It was acutally creepy, now everytime i read that story to my siblings ill think of the sheep attacking her .

    Poor little bopeep she was lonely and now shes even more.

    Everything has its end

    buster
    | Posted on 2009-04-23 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]
      very deep and detailed , timely written , good structure
    | Posted on 2009-03-25 00:00:00 | by JoJoCrab | [ Reply to This ]


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