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    dots Submission Name: Gaming PR translated into real Englishdots

    Author: Lord Bane
    ASL Info:    24/M/Isle of Wight, UK
    Elite Ratio:    2.26 - 40/81/50
    Words: 1113
    Class/Type: Misc/Satire
    Total Views: 1425
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 7363

       What gaming PR jargon really means, with thanks to gamesradar.com

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGaming PR translated into real Englishdots

    PR: “State of the art graphics”
    English: “It has graphics”

    PR: “A unique blend of genres”
    English: “You can jump AND shoot!”

    PR: “Award-winning”
    English: “Three other local devs we know said it's good in an award ceremony you’ve never heard of”

    PR: "Genre-defying”
    English: “We were a bit vague during the design stage and still don't really know what it's all about”
    “It has a genre but doesn't do it very well, so we threw in some mini-games”

    PR: “Genre-defining”
    English: “It's massively generic, but it cost us a hell of a lot of money so it is a big deal.”

    PR: “We have entered into an exciting strategic partnership with Company X”
    English: “We sold Company X some techy stuff that you're probably not interested in and will never notice in any of their games you might play. And we really like tortology.”

    PR: “We have joined forces with Publisher X / We are proud to join the Publisher X family”
    English: “We'd screwed up our business and Publisher X bought us out for a fiver”

    PR: “We're looking forward to a bright future as part of the Publisher X family of studios”
    English: “We're praying Publisher X doesn’t close us down and fire us after one game”

    PR: “Leading-edge technology”
    English: “It's not bleeding edge, or even cutting edge, but comparatively it's not too bad. Probably about average really. It's definitely not sh*t though.”

    PR: “We continue to satisfy gamers' unending appetite for...”
    English: "We're on sequel/DLC pack number 378, and we're not stopping now, because you suckers don’t know when you’re being milked”

    PR: “Atmospheric”
    English: “Too dark to see anything”

    PR: “The legendary series”
    English: “The crusty old series that no-one cares about any more”

    PR: “The cult series”
    English: “The series that three people like”

    PR: “Completely customise your gameplay experience”
    English: “Change the colour of your character's pants”

    PR: “A new chapter in the epic saga”
    English: “If you download this, you'll finally have the full game you paid for two months ago”

    PR: “Revolutionary new game-changing content”
    English: “A new colour of pants and a second, marginally different deathmatch option.”

    PR: “Special gameplay features include…”
    English: “Here are some things this game does that you'd expect it to do by default.” ie. “This racing game has cars. ON TRACKS! With wheels and EVERYTHING!”

    PR: “A whole new spin on the genre”
    English: "We've got a weird new gimmick that everyone else has chosen not to use for a very good reason"

    PR: “An unparalleled level of control”
    English: “Massively complex controls that you won't use half of”

    PR: “Instantly accessible gameplay”
    English: “As interactive and challenging as the process of playing and watching a DVD”

    PR: “Epic, involving narrative depth”
    English: “A load of self-indulgent cut-scenes”

    PR: “For players of all ages”
    English: “For players under the age of three”

    PR: “We're about putting smiles on faces”
    English: “We have no real direction any more and no actual gameplay to speak of, so we're staying vague on what it is that we actually do these days”

    PR: “We're in this for the long haul”
    English: “We hope sales will pick up one day”

    PR: “A new era of home entertainment”
    English: “We've made a new dashboard layout with more links to things you can buy”

    PR: “A mature script by Hollywood veteran X”
    English: “Full of immature adolescant obsessions like gore and boobies, and written by a guy who did a couple of episodes of Star Trek: TNG and a straight-to-video slasher flick back in the day”

    PR: “A colourful host of loveable, wacky characters”
    English: “Every character in this game is so desperately hateful that no court in the land would convict you for beating them to death if they existed in the real world”. Also apply to anyone or anything described using the word "zany".

    PR: “A hilarious adventure”
    English: “Playing this game feels like watching a bad stand-up comedian get progressively drunk out of desperation and piss himself on stage, before eventually starting to cry under the spotlight”

    PR: "exciting"
    English: “We really have no specific or quantifiable positives to discuss in relation to this game”

    PR: “!”
    English: “We have used up our quota of the word "exciting" and have only exclamation marks left with which to try to hold your interest”
    NOTE: It's a well-known games journalism fact that a newly announced game can be immediately and accurately reviewed by starting at a perfect 10 and subtracting the number of exclamation marks in the press release to arrive at a final score.

    PR: “For more information on the game, please visit [insert URL here]”
    English: “We have run out of things to say about this game. Please leave us alone. We must drink now”

    PR: “A community-driven. social gaming experience”
    English: “Here's the basic interface, now amuse yourselves, because we're not giving you any content.”

    PR: “It will appeal to all fans of series X” / “It's an exciting new adventure in the vein of game X”
    English: “It’s a massively derivative, less fun cash-in of game X and we're too lazy to try to sell it on its own merits. Primarily because it HAS none of its own.”

    PR: “A ground-breaking, 3D, online community”
    English: “A chat room with graphics. People still use chatrooms, right? Awesome!”

    PR: “A chance for fans to explore previously unseen parts of the much-loved franchise X universe”
    English: "It's a cash-in movie license, but we haven’t actually based it on the movie because either, a) We couldn't afford the actors' likeness rights, b) We’ve already milked the franchise so hard there's nothing left to use, or c) The license is totally inapproriate for a game and we only bought it because the brand name is hot property this year"

    PR: “Built from the ground up”
    English: “We’re going to make a few tweaks to our archaic engine and pray no-one notices our lack of effort. Kind of like the Emperor’s New Clothes”

    PR: “X-number of new [insert feature/item/clothing]”
    English: “All the stuff we didn’t have time to put in last time, delivered in a pleb-dazzle of numbers designed to cover the fact we’ve not got an exciting crux to the game"

    PR: “All new [insert absolutely anything here]”
    English: Unless it has a giraffe on a unicycle in it or you can control the game with buttock clenches, it’s not new. Rather, it's tweaked.

    Submitted on 2009-03-25 14:18:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Just read this for the first time, and I couldn't stop laughing! This is brilliant! Wish I had found this sooner!
    | Posted on 2009-11-19 00:00:00 | by JamesYoung | [ Reply to This ]
      Brilliant. I love it. And so true. There are so many other things in life this could apply to with a few 'tweaks'. Well done.
    | Posted on 2009-06-20 00:00:00 | by ModestyB | [ Reply to This ]
      Everyone should read this! it's amusing, and oh so well written. I am in awe. My first favourite
    | Posted on 2009-05-04 00:00:00 | by miggy | [ Reply to This ]
      LOL, too close to the truth
    | Posted on 2009-03-26 00:00:00 | by Survivor_Dean | [ Reply to This ]
      extraordinary written , high spirited detail , creative craftmanship
    | Posted on 2009-03-25 00:00:00 | by JoJoCrab | [ Reply to This ]

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