Without my Stride -------------------------------------------
You tell me "forget about it"
And I tried before
But now I refuse to give up
I simply try more
You said you don't love me
Put that all in the past
But I can't believe that
How long this hurt would last
You once said always
And I believed it too
But you gave up on us
I still wait for you
And I'm not dumb, people change
I know that they do
But beauty in your smile and deep in your gaze
Will always be true
You live your life
And I'm alone on the side
But I can't give up on us
Because you are my stride
I'm not trying to win you over with words
But without each other where would we be
You're choosing to walk away and it hurts
But please just don't forget about me
I feel the how you felt when you wrote this. Ok I don't mean to be nit picky but your pieces rythme is way off and since you are not using ryme alot in this one You need to use rythme to put the desired effect I think you want to get out of your readers. You also seem to be hold back emotions in this peice, let them flow from you, this piece needs to help you release more pain and other emotions. Just don't hide behind a wall with poetry otherwise a poem will come out stail. You have potential, work on tis piece some and it will sound so much better.
Submission Name: Without my Stride
