I feel the how you felt when you wrote this. Ok I don't mean to be nit picky but your pieces rythme is way off and since you are not using ryme alot in this one You need to use rythme to put the desired effect I think you want to get out of your readers. You also seem to be hold back emotions in this peice, let them flow from you, this piece needs to help you release more pain and other emotions. Just don't hide behind a wall with poetry otherwise a poem will come out stail. You have potential, work on tis piece some and it will sound so much better.