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    dots Submission Name: Without my Stridedots

    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.81 - 23/160/138
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 452
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 917


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWithout my Stridedots

    You tell me "forget about it"
    And I tried before
    But now I refuse to give up
    I simply try more

    You said you don't love me
    Put that all in the past
    But I can't believe that
    How long this hurt would last

    You once said always
    And I believed it too
    But you gave up on us
    I still wait for you

    And I'm not dumb, people change
    I know that they do
    But beauty in your smile and deep in your gaze
    Will always be true

    You live your life
    And I'm alone on the side
    But I can't give up on us
    Because you are my stride

    I'm not trying to win you over with words
    But without each other where would we be
    You're choosing to walk away and it hurts
    But please just don't forget about me

    Submitted on 2009-03-26 00:13:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I feel the how you felt when you wrote this. Ok I don't mean to be nit picky but your pieces rythme is way off and since you are not using ryme alot in this one You need to use rythme to put the desired effect I think you want to get out of your readers. You also seem to be hold back emotions in this peice, let them flow from you, this piece needs to help you release more pain and other emotions. Just don't hide behind a wall with poetry otherwise a poem will come out stail. You have potential, work on tis piece some and it will sound so much better.
    | Posted on 2009-03-26 00:00:00 | by Sepheroth432 | [ Reply to This ]

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