Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Without my Stridedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.82 - 23/159/137
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 421
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 917



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWithout my Stridedots
    -------------------------------------------


    You tell me "forget about it"
    And I tried before
    But now I refuse to give up
    I simply try more

    You said you don't love me
    Put that all in the past
    But I can't believe that
    How long this hurt would last

    You once said always
    And I believed it too
    But you gave up on us
    I still wait for you

    And I'm not dumb, people change
    I know that they do
    But beauty in your smile and deep in your gaze
    Will always be true

    You live your life
    And I'm alone on the side
    But I can't give up on us
    Because you are my stride

    I'm not trying to win you over with words
    But without each other where would we be
    You're choosing to walk away and it hurts
    But please just don't forget about me




    Submitted on 2009-03-26 00:13:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I feel the how you felt when you wrote this. Ok I don't mean to be nit picky but your pieces rythme is way off and since you are not using ryme alot in this one You need to use rythme to put the desired effect I think you want to get out of your readers. You also seem to be hold back emotions in this peice, let them flow from you, this piece needs to help you release more pain and other emotions. Just don't hide behind a wall with poetry otherwise a poem will come out stail. You have potential, work on tis piece some and it will sound so much better.
    | Posted on 2009-03-26 00:00:00 | by Sepheroth432 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    172574

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    The World written by jjd
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry