[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Sad Feelings of the Soul Unborndots

    Author: Sepheroth432
    ASL Info:    24/Male/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 56/45/28
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1287
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 742

       I write these piece as a tribute to my child who will never know love, never know joy, never know pain, and most of all never know me and my love cejai.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Sad Feelings of the Soul Unborndots

    a love never to be told
    a heart never to behold
    no cries to lull
    these are the sad feelings of the soul unborn

    no running round
    no playing on the ground
    no bruises to kiss
    these are the sad feeling of the soul unborn

    No bed time stories
    No getting them ready for school
    no homework to look over and examine the doodles
    these are the sad feelings of the soul unborn

    No car to give
    no parties to trow
    no graduation to even go
    these are the sad feelings of the soul unborn

    No child of its own
    no life to unfold
    no love to find
    these are the sad feeling of the soul unborn

    Submitted on 2009-03-26 08:36:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      A beautiful piece. My heart aches for you, and those around you, but most especially for your baby.

    Nitpicking, I would either switch the title to "Sadness of a Soul Unborn" or switch the words in the last line of each stanza to match the title now. Personally, I like the latter better, as it has better flow. The third line in the first stanza, 'lul' is spelled 'lull', and in the second line of the fourth stanza, 'trow' should be 'throw'

    The last stanza is my favorite, as I have thought this myself, about my past and when others make that choice. You worded this beautifully, and it not only speaks but sings. You have grown as a writer already, I think. This is a wonderful way to remember what almost was, and something that you will never forget.

    I hope that whereever your baby is, they have found peace, and will know the love you didn't get to show them.

    Lady Rose
    | Posted on 2009-03-26 00:00:00 | by Texan_Poet | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Chelebel
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bond written by saartha
    Incubus written by monad
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Giving written by jjd
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]