[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Sad Feelings of the Soul Unborndots

    Author: Sepheroth432
    ASL Info:    24/Male/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 56/45/28
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1216
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 742

       I write these piece as a tribute to my child who will never know love, never know joy, never know pain, and most of all never know me and my love cejai.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Sad Feelings of the Soul Unborndots

    a love never to be told
    a heart never to behold
    no cries to lull
    these are the sad feelings of the soul unborn

    no running round
    no playing on the ground
    no bruises to kiss
    these are the sad feeling of the soul unborn

    No bed time stories
    No getting them ready for school
    no homework to look over and examine the doodles
    these are the sad feelings of the soul unborn

    No car to give
    no parties to trow
    no graduation to even go
    these are the sad feelings of the soul unborn

    No child of its own
    no life to unfold
    no love to find
    these are the sad feeling of the soul unborn

    Submitted on 2009-03-26 08:36:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      A beautiful piece. My heart aches for you, and those around you, but most especially for your baby.

    Nitpicking, I would either switch the title to "Sadness of a Soul Unborn" or switch the words in the last line of each stanza to match the title now. Personally, I like the latter better, as it has better flow. The third line in the first stanza, 'lul' is spelled 'lull', and in the second line of the fourth stanza, 'trow' should be 'throw'

    The last stanza is my favorite, as I have thought this myself, about my past and when others make that choice. You worded this beautifully, and it not only speaks but sings. You have grown as a writer already, I think. This is a wonderful way to remember what almost was, and something that you will never forget.

    I hope that whereever your baby is, they have found peace, and will know the love you didn't get to show them.

    Lady Rose
    | Posted on 2009-03-26 00:00:00 | by Texan_Poet | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]