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    dots Submission Name: Why Do You Cry?dots

    Author: Texan_Poet
    ASL Info:    20/F/daydreaming
    Elite Ratio:    5.7 - 127/123/48
    Words: 731
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Serious
    Total Views: 1270
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 4628

       I know this is really long, but this is one of the first pieces I have written that I have written where I haven't held back. It's the first one I'v ever shown to anyone. Please, take the time to read it, and tell me what you think.

    The "You" that said this isn't one person per se but the way the world reacts to such problems most times. The second part is mostly how I personally feel, but also how others have felt. I have personally gone through the things in this poem, but it is also dedicated to my friends, Justin and Kayla, who partially inspired it.

    Lady Rose

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhy Do You Cry?dots

    You said:

    Why do you cry?
    Yours is a teacup tragedy,
    You don't have it bad.
    Stop being selfish,
    Look around,
    School, work,
    City, State,
    Country, World.
    They have it worse than you.

    Why do you cry?
    Yes, you were raped,
    Touched by one you trusted,
    Who didn't care when you said no.
    But that time is gone now,
    Get over it.
    Yes, you were raped,
    But so were others.

    Why do you cry?
    No, your baby wasn't born,
    But the population is to big anyway.
    Babys die every day,
    Statistics prove it.
    No, your baby wasn't born,
    But isn't that better than living in this world?
    You keep saying it's so horrible.

    Why do you cry?
    Yes, he hit you.
    Yes, I see the bruises.
    But you could have stopped it.
    Why didn't you fight back
    Or ask for help?
    Are you that stupid?
    Yes, they hit you.
    Yes, I see the bruises.
    But you see her over there?
    She got out, so why can't you?

    Why do you cry?
    Yes, I see the scars,
    But you put them there yourself.
    Don't be so pathetic,
    Your life isn't hard.
    You're sick, you know that?
    Just stop, it's not exactly complex.
    And if you're in so much pain,
    Why are you hurting YOURSELF more?

    Why do you cry?
    You just want attention.
    Don't talk, I don't care.
    You're over dramatic and self-centered,
    That's all.
    And you give all the others,
    The ones who do the same thing,
    They're addicted to it!
    What they need
    Is a dose of the real world.

    Then, you walked away.
    And as you did
    I spoke:

    Why do I cry?
    I cry for the trust that was broken,
    The spirit that almost was.
    I cry for the memory,
    Clawing at my shattered mind.
    I cry for the stink of their bodies,
    For the sick lust in their eyes.
    I cry for the feeling of being held down,
    For the feeling of rough hands
    That burned their touch into my skin.

    Why do I cry?
    I cry for the one that was almost mine,
    For the pain your numbers don't show.
    I cry for 10 fingers and 10 toes,
    The ones I will never count.
    I cry for their first smile,
    The one that will never happen.
    I cry for their first love,
    The one that will never meet them.
    I cry for their dreams that will never be born,
    For the love I can never show them.

    Why do I cry?
    I cry for the love I feel for them,
    Even though they try to break me.
    I cry for the fear that consumes me,
    When I won't walk away
    Because they know just what to say.
    I cry for the love I crave from them,
    The approval, the acceptance that I never had.

    Why do I cry?
    I cry for the pain I won't show you,
    For the secrets I didn't tell you.
    I cry for the broken glass stabbing into my heart,
    For the scars you CAN'T see.

    Why do I cry?
    I cry for the help I begged for,
    For the contempt you showed me.
    I cry for your reaction,
    When I told you my past,
    When I showed you the bruises,
    Showed you my scars.
    I cry for the words you said
    When I let you see my tears.

    Why do I cry?
    I cry for the others that hurt,
    For the love and support they need.
    I cry for the innocence you live,
    For the desprete hope that you
    Will never see what the real world can be.
    I cry for what you don't see,
    That pain can never weighed and measured,
    Judged and compared.
    Each sadness stands alone,
    Beause each heart is unique.

    Why do I cry?
    I know what it is to shake in fear,
    To feel a need, a craving, to be held close,
    But also to fear that touch, that closeness.
    I know what it is to sit alone in the dark,
    To hunger for another person, a light.
    I know what it is to softly whisper
    All the things you want to scream.

    Why do I cry?
    I cry because of you,
    Who can't, won't even try to understand.
    But most of all
    I cry for the ones that do.

    Submitted on 2009-03-26 12:30:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This piece is amazing. There is no easy way for me to say how it touched me. I especially loved the last line.
    | Posted on 2009-10-07 00:00:00 | by Mythica | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you should proof read this section by section. I don't doubt that you probably know it by heart but read it slowly as a first time audience and you'll find them.

    My second thought is that the first part was pretty much all riveting-- you read it the whole way through just wanting to put an axe in his head because the words seem largely the polar opposite of what should be felt. I saw largely because there can be a tenderness in showing someone rough love by way of saying this and life and we get on with getting on.
    But mostly it's the axe and the head idea.

    On a technical note I think it's risky ground to rebut each section with a full section: I think this for two reasons. 1. it makes the poem quite long and this is only a problem because the rebuttal only stays fresh for so long, in the sense that it really needs to build and build if it is to hold the reader's attention.

    And secondly, it takes a while to connect with which part of the first half of the poem is being rebutted and so this leaves the reader momentarily disconnected.

    When paired together a poem can appear to lose steam and this is what I felt happened after a while, although your close was killa dilla.

    So my advice would be to address only the key point of each section and link these all together, or to think about the pacing of the rebuttal in it's entirety.

    I feel it needs to start soft and rise and rise and rise
    until the close reaches from the page and rips the reader's biyach ass mofo heart out. ya feel me?

    If you'd like to work on that with me that would be cool,

    if you'd like to bounce ideas or drafts off me that would be cool,

    if you'd like to leave it exactly as it is that would be cool too.

    But you should be very encouraged to hear that I think it's not 1/3 the poem it could be.

    I tend to look at all poetry as fiction first and don't like to assume that if a guy wrote a poem about going to mars that he actually went to mars.

    But if this was a poem a guy wrote about mars and I broke that rule one time I hope you would think it ok that i wished him a safe journey where ever his destination or current state of being.

    and so you see the close was very apt.
    | Posted on 2009-04-23 00:00:00 | by bywayof | [ Reply to This ]
      I'll was going to comment before work, but this ain't no quick comment poem/random thought.

    First stop is here and you'll have my full attention.


    Seems small to say the little I read before I decided to stop was good.
    | Posted on 2009-04-22 00:00:00 | by bywayof | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, like shadow star said it's not poetic per say... But I can see the imagry of some really painful [censored]. I can personally relate to stazas 3, 4, and 5 as well as their responses. Your a though person I can tell judging by what I do know about you, and the things you bring up in this piece just confirms what I thought about you. Well I would have to say Lady Rose, You and I are very much alike. OK, back to the piece at hand I liked the rythme, as well as the First line repititions you used. Readers I think can really feel the pain you felt with this writing.

    The writings we make hold our souls,
    | Posted on 2009-03-30 00:00:00 | by Sepheroth432 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow Rose what a poem, The 1st thing that dragged me to this piece was the name, cuz thats my ES alias, but then i read the description and i new i had to read it, i didnt even realize the length until i finished, thats how well your poem trapped me. It made me zoom in and focus on nothing but this poem. Theres definetly alot of subjects in here that i can relate to, as u no.

    But i have one question. In the beginging when your talking about why do U cry and your mentioning insults are you talking to yourself or to the others out there???

    Greeat Write Lady

    | Posted on 2009-03-27 00:00:00 | by WhY-dO-yOu-CrY | [ Reply to This ]
      Ill comment when I get the chance
    | Posted on 2009-03-26 00:00:00 | by Sepheroth432 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is not... poetic, per se... "poetic" is too lilty and joyful a word to describe a piece that lays down such potent truths, yet in a way that makes the words seem beautiful on the page or screen. Many of those who experience tragedy, pain, and cruel life are told to suck it up and look at this person or that because they went through so much worse. Odds are, that same unfortunate is being told to look at you, to see how you are coping so well with a much more horrible life than theirs.... a neverending circle of, "all of you! Your lives aren't so bad! Look at the person next to you, they have it so much worse!" I am sorry that life has treated you so cruelly, and sorry for your child. I have (to my best recollection) either two or three stillborn "siblings", older than I, and the mother will not tell me their names or even their genders, because it still bites her after all these years.
    Despite these atrocities that seem all too common singularly but even worse when occurring altogether in one life, it seems you have a gift for writing. Your phrasing ("Why do I cry?/I cry for the one that was almost mine,/For the pain your numbers don't show./I cry for 10 fingers and 10 toes,/The ones I will never count./I cry for their first smile,/The one that will never happen./I cry for their first love,/The one that will never meet them./I cry for their dreams that will never be born,/For the love I can never show them") is particularly poignant and conveys a deep sense of shattering loss. It disgusts me that people in general can have so little heart for sadness and sorrow in the world. Methinks if they themselves were faced with any one of these things, they would not handle it half so well. You never know how you'll feel until you're in the other person's shoes.

    Slainte chugat,

    | Posted on 2009-03-26 00:00:00 | by Shadowstar13 | [ Reply to This ]

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