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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Daddy's Little Slutdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: daughterofdeath
    ASL Info:    18/F/West Virginia
    Elite Ratio:    4.83 - 262/263/207
    Words: 325
    Class/Type: Lyrics/
    Total Views: 306
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2127



    Description:
       Something I wrote a while ago, probably a year ago, just never put on here. It kind of explains itself.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDaddy's Little Slutdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I come home from school and I'm alone.
    Trying to figure out why my daddy is gone
    I know daddy doesn't work right now.
    But inside the house I don't hear a sound.
    He says he's with his friends all night
    But something about that doesn't sound right.
    When he's hear he talks quietly on his phone
    And when he finishes he's always gone.

    Do you think it's ok.
    When you tear someone's life apart?
    To break up a family you made
    Along the way, break a heart?

    Daddy's not here, he walked out that door
    He's probably somewhere with his whore.
    Even though momma tries to make him stay
    He's always going the wrong way.
    So now I'm here, I'm all alone
    Tears are falling cause you're gone.
    I don't know why I feel this way
    And I bet you don't care anyway
    She may be the world to you but
    To me she's just daddy's little slut.

    I'm always here when you yell and fuss
    Trying to find a way to justify yourself.
    You say how everybody out to get you
    But they are because of the things you do.
    You try to say that nothing was true,
    It doesn't matter how many people saw you.
    You try to apologized after every fight.
    Then you’re gone for most of the night.

    Do you think it's ok.
    When you tear someone's life apart?
    To break up a family that you made,
    Along the way, break a heart?

    Daddy's not here, he walked out that door
    He's probably somewhere with his whore.
    Even though momma tries to make him stay
    He's always going the wrong way.
    So now I'm here, I'm all alone
    Tears are falling cause you're gone.
    I don't know why I feel this way
    And I bet you don't care anyway
    She may be the world to you but
    To me she's just daddy's little slut.




    Submitted on 2009-03-26 20:08:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Great piece.
    Right off the bat it was really powerful. I like how straightforward it is. It's a sensitive issue but you cut right to the point and it works. I was little thrown off by the title though. At first I thought it was going to be one about abuse until I got to the second part of the repeat there. The repeat was good. I see a lot of times where a person will copy and paste a small section all over the place and it will just kill the mood. You definitely didn't do that here. The only advice I can give is to maybe change the wording in a few small spots to make it flow better, and make sure it's all in past tense ("is" to "was", "you always" to "you would always" etc.)

    Good job.

    ~J.S.
    | Posted on 2009-03-27 00:00:00 | by CaiZutto | [ Reply to This ]


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