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Say my name
Speak it gently.
“I love you.”
Whisper it softly
Take its shelter.
Hold me close,
Don’t let go.
Walk on tip-toes
Down the hall,
Grab your coat,
Make a dash.
One last kiss.
We’re finally free.
| This really reminds me of one of those secret romances you always see in those TV dramas or in movies haha.|
This poem was very simple, yet the way you constructed it made it speak volumes in its simplicity. I liked how you had adverbs end the first two stanzas, and I really wish you would have continued that throughout the entire poem. But that's not really a bad thing because the rest of the poem was really good.
The ending really closed the framework of the poem nicely. I imagine the feeling of secret lovers leaving being one of not only sadness and longing, but also one of a certain kind of freedom, a freedom that can only be achieved when two people are in love and know it deep in their hearts.
Overall this is a very simple, yet moving poem. I look forward to the next poem in the story, and I'll definitely be sure to read it.
|| Posted on 2009-04-06 00:00:00 | by FlickerofHope | [ Reply to This ] || No kidding this was very moving. I enjoyed its simplicity. This moved from passionate to drama of the chase in a very short period. Great use of adjectives it placed me there.|
The ending was my favorite:
We’re finally free"
Most goodbyes end with sadness this one was freedom.
Me likies! Write on!
|| Posted on 2009-03-29 00:00:00 | by Kuuipo | [ Reply to This ] |