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Just another Heart attack (part 1)

Author: Aangskate
ASL Info:    18/male
Elite Ratio:    3.32 - 133 /117 /44
Words: 64
Class/Type: Poetry /Romance
Total Views: 1162
Average Vote:    2.0000
Bytes: 534


The first part of a story about what could quite possibly happen. Its was a little scary writing something so close to home, and not so unlikely.

Just another Heart attack (part 1)

Say my name
Speak it gently.

“I love you.”
Whisper it softly

Darkness conceals
Take its shelter.

Hold me close,
Don’t let go.

Quiet steps,
Walk on tip-toes

Down the hall,
Footsteps heard.

Grab your coat,
Make a dash.

Pounding shoes,
Racing hearts.

Leaping bridges,
One last kiss.

Wave goodbye
We’re finally free.

Submitted on 2009-03-27 10:41:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  This really reminds me of one of those secret romances you always see in those TV dramas or in movies haha.

This poem was very simple, yet the way you constructed it made it speak volumes in its simplicity. I liked how you had adverbs end the first two stanzas, and I really wish you would have continued that throughout the entire poem. But that's not really a bad thing because the rest of the poem was really good.

The ending really closed the framework of the poem nicely. I imagine the feeling of secret lovers leaving being one of not only sadness and longing, but also one of a certain kind of freedom, a freedom that can only be achieved when two people are in love and know it deep in their hearts.

Overall this is a very simple, yet moving poem. I look forward to the next poem in the story, and I'll definitely be sure to read it.
| Posted on 2009-04-06 00:00:00 | by FlickerofHope | [ Reply to This ]
  No kidding this was very moving. I enjoyed its simplicity. This moved from passionate to drama of the chase in a very short period. Great use of adjectives it placed me there.

The ending was my favorite:

"Wave goodbye
We’re finally free"

Most goodbyes end with sadness this one was freedom.

Me likies! Write on!


| Posted on 2009-03-29 00:00:00 | by Kuuipo | [ Reply to This ]

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