[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: What would you do?dots

    Author: Plegias
    ASL Info:    17/ male/ my house
    Elite Ratio:    3.25 - 37/23/40
    Words: 166
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 470
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1061


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat would you do?dots

    What would you do,
    If I were to say to you,
    That I flew high
    Up in the sky?

    What would you do,
    If I were to say to you,
    That I see light
    Every single night?

    What would you do,
    If I were to say to you,
    That I wanted to be
    Having fun in the sea?

    What would you do,
    If I could take you,
    Beyond the skies
    Away from human lies?

    What would you do,
    If I could take you,
    To see that light
    I see to heighten your delight?

    What would you do,
    If I could take you,
    Beyond World's end
    To spend with a friend?

    Would you leave?
    Would you stay?
    Would you believe
    Or would you look away?

    Would you come with me?
    Would you stay here?
    Would you change your mind
    And draw me near?

    I promise you this,
    These will come true,
    But the Question remains:
    What would you do?

    Submitted on 2009-03-27 23:48:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoyed reading this The poetic vibe is most defiantly, there. And your rhymes are catchy and easy to rmember and play back in your head like a tape recorder.

    I think my favorite line was:

    What would you do,
    If I could take you,
    Beyond the skies
    Away from human lies?

    It seemed to have more meaning than the rest to me. The words jointed together better, making me read it twice to actually get what you were talking about.

    I'm curious to know what was on your mind, when you wrote this piece, most likely alot of questions

    ~Very Nice~

    -Spaz, Earths Last Hope-
    | Posted on 2009-07-13 00:00:00 | by clarywhite wolf | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]