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    dots Submission Name: Unspoken wordsdots

    Author: Bloodlust86
    ASL Info:    24/F/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    2.1 - 56/49/53
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 556
    Average Vote:    2.0000
    Bytes: 694


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnspoken wordsdots

    Cold as ice out hearts have hardend
    All the lies and unspoken words
    So cold and hard we can no longer love

    Not to long ago there were flames
    And heat, more love and passion
    Then we ever hoped for or expected

    As I sit here today I wonder
    What changed, When did the lying
    And secrets start

    Somewhere somehow we must find
    That heat and passion before one
    Of us desides to shatter

    The mess would big,the pain would be greater
    The end result would be fatel
    Two lives would be shattered
    It could have been avoided
    If the lies and unspoked words never began

    Submitted on 2009-03-30 02:45:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I'm sorry to be picky, but check your spelling.
    It's well written, it stirs the imagination and that's what every writters aim should primarily be.
    Don't hesitate to play about with the timing. Not all pieces need to be under strict time, especially pieces that portray a strong emotion. Holding the stanzas tightly together defeats the purpose of expressing the magnitude of what you're feeling.

    That's not to say that I don't like, I definitely do.
    The last stanza is my favourite.

    Again, check spelling and grammar, but overall it's an emotive piece.

    Keep writing,
    | Posted on 2009-04-24 00:00:00 | by Iffy | [ Reply to This ]

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