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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Sweet Fallen Angeldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mythica
    ASL Info:    17/female/KY USA
    Elite Ratio:    1.79 - 11/31/16
    Words: 234
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 626
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 1290



    Description:
       A dear friend inspired this when his stories touched my heart. This goes out to him, my inspriation.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Sweet Fallen Angeldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sweet smiles and a gentle laugh
    Sense of humor more lovely by half
    I see your pain when you think I miss
    And then say to myself "You need this"
    I show my affection and I stay true
    There is nothing but truth when I am with you
    Fun and games can last for hours
    And it is as if you have these powers
    You are my angel though fallen you may be
    And I believe that you will soon see
    With help even the worst can be brought joy
    Whether by love or even a simple little toy
    My Sweet Fallen Angel you know me so well
    And it is like a secret we may never tell
    We laugh and we play and become merry with delight
    And soon you start to lose your fright
    You stay with me and your heart is filled through
    There is nothing I would do more than to lie there next to you
    My Sweet Fallen Angel never say good-bye
    For if you do my heart may surely cry
    As I see your smile and hear your voice
    I know surely I have made my choice
    I will always be there for my Sweet Fallen Angel's desire
    And can only hope that he never tire
    I can bring joy and I can bring love
    And I can send my Sweet Fallen Angel back to the above




    Submitted on 2009-03-30 03:45:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Although it's entirely inappropriate for a man of my age to like this of you . I let it take me back to my days of youthful romanticness and it was most refreshing , even inspiring . I suggest again a poem I wrote in my youth called Dream . Although it's not as eloquent as yours perhaps you'll find it smileable .
    Ps: I seem to agree with Texan_Poet on the gramaticals
    | Posted on 2010-03-01 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      I do love this, it put a smile on my face. Though you could have used commas and periods. Or something... It's good.

    It reminds me of this guy I keep thinking about. It's nice, umm....

    I'm not good at comments, but I can say I enjoyed reading it.

    ~Tiffers~
    | Posted on 2009-10-13 00:00:00 | by Vlanderson | [ Reply to This ]
      A very nice piece. It can be easy to give yourself fully to the other person, but remember to maintain your distinct identity.

    The flow on this piece is good, and I like your phrasing also. But you may want to try splitting up the lines a bit to have more effect as a whole and divide up some of the ideas so they will be more distinct.
    Ex:
    A sweet smile, a gentle laugh.
    Sense of humor?
    More lovely than any other by half.
    I see the pain you think I miss,
    Think to myself, "You need this"
    I show my affection,
    Keep myself, my heart, true,
    There are no lies with you.

    Fun and games can last for hours,
    And it's almost like...
    You have these amazing joyful powers.

    You are my angel,
    Though fallen you may be

    Ect.
    Just an idea. You have a good talent for writing with your heart and expressing your feelings, I look forward to seeing more of your work.

    Lady Rose
    | Posted on 2009-03-30 00:00:00 | by Texan_Poet | [ Reply to This ]


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