Black Holes and Revelations -------------------------------------------
Its two o'clock and the seagulls sprawl
across the black high-hanging telephone wires
sunset stripping away at them like razor scars
flared up white against the august amber scene
My urban coastal town drained dry
of the summer in all its lazy harmony
I was jealous of the time I'd never have again
and it was windy on the mountain top
of rising park where we all walked the edge
Stars colliding into the skyline bursting
with light and heat and little glints of privileged secrets
as sparrows breaking away from the flock at the event horizon
turned inward towards the center of everything
Great feeling and imagry. You could use some work on the break down as far as presentation goes, but don't change it if you can't keep the feeling. I would be interested to hear the story behind this poem, because I think there is more to it than you present here. But, maybe I'm just crazy (^_^).
Anyway, I would say to try and break up the lines a little, although the flow you have here is good. You have a littany and a story, but how you set up the lines can have a big effect on how it comes across. As an example:
It's two o'clock.
Seagulls sprawl across black slashes,
High-hanging telephone wires.
Sunset stripping them
To angry razor scars
Hahaha, just a little idea. It's good the way you have it, but I think that with a little rearranging it could be great.