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    dots Submission Name: Midnight Watersdots

    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 187
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 856
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1342

       This is the culmination of lack of sleep, missing someone, and watching the sunrise over the atlantic ocean. All feedback is welcome

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMidnight Watersdots

    Thoughts drift into
    Unconscious minds
    Dancing at night
    Weaving dreams
    That never see light

    Forgotten Kisses
    Under dark sky
    Foot prints on the sand
    Waters not too cold

    I drew a heart
    Called it mine
    You were the wave
    Washing sand away

    Eyes open
    Well before sunrise
    A lonely bed
    Blankets drawn about
    Thoughts drift off again

    Water crashing against
    The pier
    Sun fades into the west
    Frozen cloud in the sky

    And youíre the anchor
    That stops my drifting away
    The ocean calls my name
    But youíll
    Keep me here tonight

    Eyes open
    The clock is
    Silent still
    Canít fight this
    Eyes close once again

    Westward wind
    Full moon above
    The sails are up
    This is the beginning
    And the end

    Iíve raised the anchor
    Time to heed the calling
    Of my name
    Our time is over
    Youíre the wind
    Sending me away

    Eyes open
    The day begins
    The dream is over
    But Iíll never
    Forget her name

    Submitted on 2004-07-14 11:23:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like poems with oceans in it - they have this strange effect of calmness even though the subject of the poem itself is sadness. i don't think this is stangnated at all and i like the metaphors.
    nice one.
    | Posted on 2004-07-20 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      The flow of this piece is stagnated. I really don't know what I can suggest. I really really love the third stanza. I also like the sixth stanza. The rest don't seem to be meaty enough. I think this piece has potential. ps Welcome to the site :)
    | Posted on 2004-07-14 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      i like a lot of the imagery of the poem, but it seems to wander. i wonder if it needs to be more focused--you seem to mix a lot of metaphorical images in this.
    | Posted on 2004-07-14 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the brevity of the stanzas and the rambling. I like it a lot, but I wish it were a bit more experimental. I never criticize flow.
    | Posted on 2004-07-14 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Having read a lot of your poetry, I would say this one is fairly standard in quality. It's a stream-of-consciousness so I can't fault you for wandering, that's what its all about.
    | Posted on 2004-07-19 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]

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