Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Reach Outdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 751
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 870



    Description:
       This was a new approach I took to writing. In my head I see this being read by two people to a third.
    the lines inbetween the -- are read by the second voice which I would choose to be read by a man while the primary voice I feel should be female.

    As I said this is a different approach to writing for me so any and all feedback is more then welcome and greatley appreciated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsReach Outdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Standing there
    --Eyes closed--
    Fighting to breath

    Legs tremble
    --Skins so white--
    Reach out a hand

    Itís not the end
    --Just hold on--
    Have to breathe

    Palpitating heart
    --Donít fight the demons alone--
    Reach out a hand

    Grasping air
    --Solitude's so real--
    Fighting to breathe

    Tears wonít fall
    --So itís not the end--
    Just hold on one more day

    Donít fight the demons alone
    --Legs tremble--
    With eyes closed

    Standing there
    --Reach out a hand--
    Solitudes so real

    Tomorrow rises
    --Time to open eyes--
    Itís not the end

    Canít fight the demons all alone
    --Tomorrow rises--
    This is not the end




    Submitted on 2004-07-14 12:19:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This sounds like a mantra from a spooky sci-fi flick, but I like sci-fi, and I must say, I enjoyed the read. You're description sounds cool. Lately, when I write, I get these abstract animated shorts in my head. It's interesting to me to know what's on other writers' minds.
    | Posted on 2004-07-14 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      It's always good to try new things. I think you successfully utilized the device you were experimenting with. The repetition is intriguing since it is not immediate repetition, it's recalled repetition. I'm not sure why it's there, but then I'm not really sure about what's going on in this anyway. It's as though the two people are supporting each other in a troubled time, though I can't tell what the trouble is, or why the pressure seems to shift back and forth between them. However, if the theme is simply that sort of mutual support then it comes through.
    | Posted on 2004-07-19 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      Woops, sorry all, I missed the part of the description that said "to a third" so I didn't realize the two were talking to the same third party. Now it makes more sense.
    | Posted on 2004-07-19 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    17276

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    FamiliarDemons ¬©‚ĄĘ written by kyserin
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Hyle written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry