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    dots Submission Name: Reach Outdots

    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 821
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 870

       This was a new approach I took to writing. In my head I see this being read by two people to a third.
    the lines inbetween the -- are read by the second voice which I would choose to be read by a man while the primary voice I feel should be female.

    As I said this is a different approach to writing for me so any and all feedback is more then welcome and greatley appreciated.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsReach Outdots

    Standing there
    --Eyes closed--
    Fighting to breath

    Legs tremble
    --Skins so white--
    Reach out a hand

    Itís not the end
    --Just hold on--
    Have to breathe

    Palpitating heart
    --Donít fight the demons alone--
    Reach out a hand

    Grasping air
    --Solitude's so real--
    Fighting to breathe

    Tears wonít fall
    --So itís not the end--
    Just hold on one more day

    Donít fight the demons alone
    --Legs tremble--
    With eyes closed

    Standing there
    --Reach out a hand--
    Solitudes so real

    Tomorrow rises
    --Time to open eyes--
    Itís not the end

    Canít fight the demons all alone
    --Tomorrow rises--
    This is not the end

    Submitted on 2004-07-14 12:19:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This sounds like a mantra from a spooky sci-fi flick, but I like sci-fi, and I must say, I enjoyed the read. You're description sounds cool. Lately, when I write, I get these abstract animated shorts in my head. It's interesting to me to know what's on other writers' minds.
    | Posted on 2004-07-14 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      It's always good to try new things. I think you successfully utilized the device you were experimenting with. The repetition is intriguing since it is not immediate repetition, it's recalled repetition. I'm not sure why it's there, but then I'm not really sure about what's going on in this anyway. It's as though the two people are supporting each other in a troubled time, though I can't tell what the trouble is, or why the pressure seems to shift back and forth between them. However, if the theme is simply that sort of mutual support then it comes through.
    | Posted on 2004-07-19 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      Woops, sorry all, I missed the part of the description that said "to a third" so I didn't realize the two were talking to the same third party. Now it makes more sense.
    | Posted on 2004-07-19 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]

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