[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Reach Outdots

    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 781
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 870

       This was a new approach I took to writing. In my head I see this being read by two people to a third.
    the lines inbetween the -- are read by the second voice which I would choose to be read by a man while the primary voice I feel should be female.

    As I said this is a different approach to writing for me so any and all feedback is more then welcome and greatley appreciated.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsReach Outdots

    Standing there
    --Eyes closed--
    Fighting to breath

    Legs tremble
    --Skins so white--
    Reach out a hand

    Itís not the end
    --Just hold on--
    Have to breathe

    Palpitating heart
    --Donít fight the demons alone--
    Reach out a hand

    Grasping air
    --Solitude's so real--
    Fighting to breathe

    Tears wonít fall
    --So itís not the end--
    Just hold on one more day

    Donít fight the demons alone
    --Legs tremble--
    With eyes closed

    Standing there
    --Reach out a hand--
    Solitudes so real

    Tomorrow rises
    --Time to open eyes--
    Itís not the end

    Canít fight the demons all alone
    --Tomorrow rises--
    This is not the end

    Submitted on 2004-07-14 12:19:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This sounds like a mantra from a spooky sci-fi flick, but I like sci-fi, and I must say, I enjoyed the read. You're description sounds cool. Lately, when I write, I get these abstract animated shorts in my head. It's interesting to me to know what's on other writers' minds.
    | Posted on 2004-07-14 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      It's always good to try new things. I think you successfully utilized the device you were experimenting with. The repetition is intriguing since it is not immediate repetition, it's recalled repetition. I'm not sure why it's there, but then I'm not really sure about what's going on in this anyway. It's as though the two people are supporting each other in a troubled time, though I can't tell what the trouble is, or why the pressure seems to shift back and forth between them. However, if the theme is simply that sort of mutual support then it comes through.
    | Posted on 2004-07-19 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      Woops, sorry all, I missed the part of the description that said "to a third" so I didn't realize the two were talking to the same third party. Now it makes more sense.
    | Posted on 2004-07-19 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Wavelength written by saartha
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Push written by JanePlane
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Bond written by saartha
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Linger written by saartha
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Giving written by jjd
    Whiteout written by layDsayD




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]