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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Heartbeat's false love.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sorrowfollowme
    Elite Ratio:    3.06 - 1/2/1
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 527
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 894



    Description:
       Eh... it isn't that good...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeartbeat's false love.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Aching pain stirs deep withing my stomach.
    His blue eyes look into mine.
    Was that a smile? A brief flittering smile?

    My friends "ooo" and "aw" tauntingly.
    They say they do it because its cute I like him this way.

    As they taunt me he glares at them and takes my hand.
    My heart leaps to my throat.
    He's holding my hand!

    His touch is soft and kind,
    even as he pulls me to an empty room.
    He goes to kiss me.

    I have no choice but to push him away.
    "We barely know each other!" I shout.
    The pain in my stomach leaves me.

    I walk away,
    Turning to see his lovely blue eyes filled with pain.
    I did not wish to hurt him...
    But he isn't mine,
    And I'm not his.
    We belong only to ourselves.




    Submitted on 2009-03-31 20:30:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      it's one of those things you have to be yourself about. I think it had it's good moments and it also had it's wondering moments where it didn't flow right. but other than that it's seems like it was a good vent. if based on a true subject then I can see the meaning it might give as a vent to a awkward situation.
    | Posted on 2009-04-03 00:00:00 | by Darkest Flaw | [ Reply to This ]
      This so vividly describes a feeling I am sure many others have felt. I know this much: you aren't the first and you certainly won't be the last. The flow mingled well with the other aspects which intrigued my interest. I loved the expression in line 13 as it was quite surprising and resembled an 'aha' moment IMHO. I wish you the best in all your future poetic endeavors.

    Shadow Poet
    | Posted on 2009-04-02 00:00:00 | by ShadowPoet | [ Reply to This ]


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    12. Does it feel original?



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