it's one of those things you have to be yourself about. I think it had it's good moments and it also had it's wondering moments where it didn't flow right. but other than that it's seems like it was a good vent. if based on a true subject then I can see the meaning it might give as a vent to a awkward situation.
This so vividly describes a feeling I am sure many others have felt. I know this much: you aren't the first and you certainly won't be the last. The flow mingled well with the other aspects which intrigued my interest. I loved the expression in line 13 as it was quite surprising and resembled an 'aha' moment IMHO. I wish you the best in all your future poetic endeavors.