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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Day 43 dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: tjsmith5
    ASL Info:    28/m/MS
    Elite Ratio:    5.49 - 109/231/124
    Words: 267
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 460
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1535



    Description:
       About healing then hope.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDay 43 dots
    -------------------------------------------


    On day 5 I found my instrument- the harmonica.
    I like it because it's not demanding like the piano or guitar.
    It's light and mobile; easy and forgiving.

    I got a dog too. Blue heeler puppy named Bukowski.
    We play frisbee in the park: I throw the disc, he runs it down and I chase him to get it back.

    There's a petite blonde named Penny that walks her dachsund there every evening. We talk about sqeak toys and breath biscuits.
    Little else because I haven't yet raised the will
    to chase another woman.

    A bit of a setback on day 20 when I was cleaning my room and found
    one of those oragami cranes you made for me. And when I went to the bible I found some of your hair in the Song of Solomon. That was hard.

    But then I began a ministry on day 24 called 7 laps at 7 where I coerce fat Baptists to give me 2 brisk miles.
    Ms. Deveaux has already lost 8 pounds and dropped her blood pressure.

    And with my new job at the hospital, I bought the jeep!!!
    It's pewter with an "Ole Miss" license plate and for days
    47 through 52 I rented a cabin in the Ozarks.
    Silence doesn't scare me like it used to.

    There's the things I've lost.
    There's the things I've won.
    And on day 43, I notice how pretty Penny smiles.

    Flowood, MS - 4/1/09










    Submitted on 2009-04-01 21:58:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i love how the character progresses day by day, and that the voice of the speaker seems so intimate. I imagine a soft, husky voice just above whisper, like someone talking about a painful memory that isn't so painful anymore.
    I was a little unsure for the first line or two, but then I fell into the story and I loved it!
    My only critique really would be that at the end you skip from day 24 to days 47-52 and then back to day 43 again.
    I would fix that and then leave the rest alone I think. Beutiful and poignant.

    c.blu
    | Posted on 2009-04-03 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      

    day 392 and....

    you know, all i know is that love is this stange and crazy thing. and sometimes, there is this feeling that one may never overcome (i am wondering if i will ever overcome) the loss of it. and yea, there are things that take your mind off it (like cool dogs with cool names), (and i swear, i have been thinking about getting a jeep because i wanna jeep wave to other people jeep waving) and different jobs, and getting active... but i guess at some point (though i haven't got there yet) there is that moment when you realize that your heart is in a different place and it's okay.

    anyway just my thoughts
    | Posted on 2009-04-02 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]


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