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    dots Submission Name: Freedom Sings!dots

    Author: Plegias
    ASL Info:    17/ male/ my house
    Elite Ratio:    3.25 - 37/23/40
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 607
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 524


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFreedom Sings!dots

    Get away from darkness and gloom,
    Get into the sun and out of that room!
    Here you can stay as long as you like,
    And never again have black sight!

    Here it is warm! The temperature fine,
    A wonderful place that needs no line!
    Come here, closeer, soon you with me,
    Where i am, you will be!

    Here it is, you are here,
    Now no more fighting back tears!
    Come now, come on, there's more to see,
    Here in this place where people are free!

    Submitted on 2009-04-01 22:30:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoyed that quite a bit ^_^ It gave me kind of a warm fuzzy feeling inside lol

    | Posted on 2009-04-02 00:00:00 | by PhantomRose | [ Reply to This ]
      hi, sounds like heaven. poe
    | Posted on 2009-04-02 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a nice encouraging piece. I liked the suggestion that there was a place where people are free.

    A small spelling correction I would make in "Come here, closeer, soon you with me,". Maybe closer is meant.

    Also, like and sight in the first stanza are not rhyming like the other line endings. You might consider another word as it may cause a pause.

    Overall I enjoyed the work. I hope you don't mind the suggestions.

    Thank you.

    Write on!

    | Posted on 2009-04-02 00:00:00 | by Kuuipo | [ Reply to This ]

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