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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Unrequited Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Texan_Poet
    ASL Info:    20/F/daydreaming
    Elite Ratio:    5.7 - 127/123/48
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Story/Serious
    Total Views: 665
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1002



    Description:
       I'm... taking a new direction with some of my writing. I'm relearning about myself and my life. I think maybe I can help people to see things they can't on their own, because of the things I have gone through. We have ALL been in this situation, where we love someone,and we would do anything for them, but they don't want us. Has anyone out there ever vowed that if this happened to them, they wouldn't hurt them the way your love hurt you? Not scorn them, and talk bad about them? Not just use them? This poem is about the fact that almost everyone out there has done this to someone who loves you more tahn anyone else ever has or ever will. I'm new at this... Read it. See if you can tell before the last stanza what it is talking about. If you can't... isn't it interesting that the situation is something we have all gone through, but felt like no one could ever relate or understand?

    All advice and whatnot is appriciated, I haven't ever really done poems in this particular style.

    Lady Rose


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnrequited Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Unknowing, uncaring,
    Can't understand.
    Criticizing and scorning,
    You won't listen to the words spoken,
    Can't seem to comprehend
    The idealistic dreaming.

    You turn your face away.
    Do you not want the love?
    The height and breadth and depth?
    There is no end.

    Gave everthing for you,
    You don't seem to understand.
    Gave up a son for you,
    Do you even care?

    Please, just give it a chance!
    Take a few hours, minutes, seconds
    Talk, and listen.
    You can't pretend you don't feel it.

    Choose the person
    You love most in the world.
    They are dead.
    Their life given for someone
    They didn't even know,
    That you don't know.
    A stranger.

    He did all of this and more,
    For you.
    Is it really so much to ask?
    Accept His love,
    And love Him back.




    Submitted on 2009-04-02 12:47:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hmmm.... This poem has a hidden meaning I spotted wheather you intnded it or not. Bout the third stanza I relized this could easly be talking about God/Jesus Christ. Just found that kinda cool. comment later and give you more.
    | Posted on 2009-04-03 00:00:00 | by Sepheroth432 | [ Reply to This ]
      I have a few ideas about the last stanza, but I'm unsure if they fit... therefore to prevent myself from possibly looking like an idiot, I'll keep them to myself.
    Hm... This poem made me think, which is what I like about it. I wish I could say I'm positive that I have NEVER hurt someone like that, EVER.... never talked badly about someone who loved me behind his or her back, never been a general idiot to someone who loved me because I didn't love them. The terrible thing is, I can't say for sure. Looking back, I probably have-in fact, I KNOW I have. This is the terrible things about people: someone hurts us, we hurt someone else, then turn around and say, "Oh, heck, I'd never do that."

    Quick spellcheck (sorry, I'm a spelling stickler): "height" is mispelled as "heighth", "breadth" is mispelled as "bredth". I think you mean "idealistic" in the first stanza, not "idylistic"... however, I don't know for sure.

    In short, you have a gift for weaving words, without the aid of a meter or rhyme, into a form that cuts to the bone and makes you think. This is my definition of poetry, and you write it well. With a few twists ad a bit more imagery, this could be something the academia will be chattering about.

    Slainte,

    DW
    | Posted on 2009-04-02 00:00:00 | by Shadowstar13 | [ Reply to This ]


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