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You are but a memory lingering in the back of mind and teetering on the tip of my tongue but never reaching down into my throat and coming out as an audible sound which we recognise as a name. I often lay upon my couch and stare at the cream wall and the image of your face passes through my mind as an electric shock but, just like a jolt of lightning, it disappears again and your figure fades from my thoughts.
When I close my eyes at night, just before I drift off in to the mysterious land within my head, I see you, as clear as daylight. Your light aqua eyes, shimmering in the artificial light, your long, soft brown hair swaying gently as you smile, your lips covered in that light red lipstick I always said looked cute. I open my eyes for a second before re-immersing myself in your beauty. Your eyes bore into my soul and your slender, soft cheeks gain a dark red hue as you stare at me. My head tilts down slowly, skimming over your silver, strapped dress which cut off at your knees. I smiled in return and took a step towards you but the dream evaporated and I woke up the next morning. Without you I don't even have dreams at night.
| The first few lines left me speechless, which is rare.|
|| Posted on 2014-05-11 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ] || despite your appalling return rate, you have a way with words for a 1? year-old so i'll comment in the hope that you'll activate your selfish arse and give something back...|
i would like to see this turned into a poem.
it's good as a means of setting a scene but it doesn't quite make one: the punctuation's there alright and the concept is sound but here's the thing: it's when there's a requirement to get in amongst the fluids that age and experience become pivotal - unless you're born again, complete with indian guide.
you are but memories lingering;
at the back of a mind
whilst on the tip of a tongue.
never quite articulated
nor put to voice,
you remain nameless.
over to you mate.
|| Posted on 2009-12-14 00:00:00 | by BillyCasper | [ Reply to This ] || I thought that this was an interesting write. I like how the other person who commented put it by saying that this poem kinda of allows one to imageins some whispery fading figure. Its as though, you try to bring the entity to life in full clearness but instead it fades and comes and goes when it wants. |
I'm not completely in love with the ending. I think you could have finished it differently, possibly allowing yourself to wonder the next morning if it were all real or not but I can appreciate the reality check at the end.
Overall, I enjoyed the choice of words and the imagery that you brought out. good job
|| Posted on 2009-05-06 00:00:00 | by jaramae | [ Reply to This ] || Awww. You did a good job describing this. Like..you can..kind of just see it. The whispery fading figure...the dancing slumber.|
Hahah. It makes me think. About nice things.
Thanks for the write.
|| Posted on 2009-04-04 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ] |