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    dots Submission Name: Lovedots

    Author: Localfreak
    ASL Info:    37, Maybe, Here
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 131/123/76
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 676
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 925

       An observation.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    The thorns could be seen faintly through the lush of the foliage
    Their venomous barbs shone with contempt of human flesh
    And yet
    Into the poison he strode
    Seeing only perfection

    With shear in hand he gently pruned away
    Engrossed with natures beauty as he discarded each toxic spear
    And yet
    The greenery dissipated
    While thorns increased in number

    So ferverous the mans work that he failed to remove his eyes from the dwindling plant
    Until only the faintest trace of what was so inviting remained
    And still
    He remembered what once was and remains, in hope.

    The foliage can be seen faintly through the mass of penetrating thorns
    Itís beauty almost hidden and the memory all but faded
    And now
    It is too late
    The barbs close around his throat and escape is but a dream.

    Submitted on 2009-04-02 18:50:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well I will say irstly that I enjoyed this,and I can see the validity in your point.

    But there is a small problem for me,I cant fault your excellent imagery,or your un-flinching observations ,indeed I much enjoyed the restraint you used in putting it forward,but I wish you had written this from your own perspective,when you say reffer to yourself in the third person I think it looks like you took the easier option.

    I think thats the only thing that stops this being the best poem it could be.

    But Im going to fave it because its still excellent.

    | Posted on 2009-04-08 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      A very interesting write. Reminiscent of the Black Widow spider, so named because she entices the ever reluctant male to mate, then as he performs his masculine duty, she eats him, -- he no hope of escape. Ted.
    | Posted on 2009-04-02 00:00:00 | by edcherry | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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