Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: she dies quietdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: leper messiah
    ASL Info:    21~f~New England
    Elite Ratio:    5.02 - 197/249/38
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1071
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 785



    Description:
       sorry. kinda feeling lots and lost...stuff flies near me all the time and i can't get a friggin grip on any of it...this is what i feel like right now. i don't know what it is. feedback is welcome i guess but it will probably be taken in anger...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsshe dies quietdots
    -------------------------------------------


    whats up downer
    sick tired and sour, you
    you you and none of it
    real or true, toes on the
    porch and you're nowhere
    in the torch the needles of
    summer, Some are metal
    some are meddle...like me
    gotta be a palm down
    on the boulevard, palm
    on the table flat under head
    skin like hay, the ones w/needles
    for ya 'specially i am always
    have been true, charm like a
    heroin addict one on the edge
    I can be quiet whenever
    But this is for me and it happens
    Rip you out and away, not on
    my drug time scale of seared
    what am i to you, another-
    what-am-i-up-to
    an ounce of my derision
    like a pound of dying for days later




    Submitted on 2004-07-14 14:16:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The start is incredible. it has a great rhythm to it...this feels like true april, if you knwo what i mean. its gritty and its jolty at points, much like yourself...hey! i have an account on this thing. its PhotoNegative...so come round some time, babe! <3 caitlin
    | Posted on 2005-08-13 00:00:00 | by PhotoNegative | [ Reply to This ]
      despite the grammar and sloppy appearance (using "w/" and "for ya")...well, i notice you didn't label it poetry, but...
    anyway, despite everything that could be criticized, i find myself liking it, enjoying it. and that's all that really matters, so thumbs up.
    | Posted on 2004-07-27 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't like the use of 'w/' either, but I like it, too. It's sad and painful but it's good. Fe-eeeelings, wo wo wo

    Becky
    | Posted on 2004-08-21 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
      It's so nice of you to go ahead and point out the fact that you're going to receive feedback with hostility. If so, then you're especially going to receive mine with hosility. First off, I can't tell where one sentence ends and another begins. The rhyme, though working on a few lines here and there, is, in majority, choppy. Also, you may want to use the proper capitalization and punctuation, or totally remove both. For instance, within the line "summer, Some are metal", you need to either change the comma to a period or make "Some" lowercase. If you restructured the lines and decide whether you want to use punctuation or not, then you could make the piece decent.

    ~James "Alexian" Neal
    | Posted on 2004-07-14 00:00:00 | by alexianx | [ Reply to This ]
      Phlegm.
    And the bitter smelling sweat of the embittered.
    Well it doesn't matter how this is made up or put together - the mechanics are immaterial.
    Through candour and an inate grasp of theatre you've told your story and dumped your steamer trunks of baggage at our doors.
    Problems shared are problems...
    Shared.
    You made the grade.
    Here anyway...
    Later.
    K
    | Posted on 2004-07-14 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      my lord, I love this. the raw power of it. this is really beautiful...damn I wish my head was working fully...I want to say a lot about it but my vocabulary is missing. I love the needles of summer..hell all of it. don't apologize for this.
    | Posted on 2004-07-14 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      this is totally full of grunt girl... dont appologize for this and screw them other ppl who dont like it... they dont know what they are on about! i love how you have structured this and i found as i read it, depending on where i made sentence breaks, depended on what it was saying... this poem is so full to exploding... WOW!
    | Posted on 2004-07-16 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    17288

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry